The Mean Girl vs The Doormat

When Molly was a toddler she was what many parents call 'spirited'.  She knew what she wanted and wasn't afraid to ask for it, and if that failed demand it.  She lead like a pint sized Queen with her favourite ECE workers doting on her like loyal subjects.  I remember her entering junior kindergarten surprised, and almost offended that her teacher refused to put a 'fancy' braid in her hair the way her favourite pre-school teacher did, daily.  Another time, at around age three or four, a child at a swimming lesson jumped in the pool to retrieve a pool noodle (no he couldn't swim) because Molly had told him too.

Image via Giphy

For a while we were worried we had a blossoming Mean Girl, Regina George type on our hands.  We focused our lessons on politeness, manners, and kindness based leadership skills.  Important school programs like Roots of Empathy and Friendship Circle have helped develop a fierce sense of kindness in Molly.  She is the first person to want to help someone who is hurt, lonely, or just needs a friend.  She makes me so proud with the amazingly sweet person she is.

In Senior Kindergarten we noticed the impact of some cliquey girl stuff going on, and how Molly as a people pleaser was miserable.  There were a few lessons learned on standing up for herself, and speaking out for herself and others.  With all of the anti-bullying teaching going on, I thought my kids got it and that we were over this hurdle.

 Kids are pretty black and white when it comes to rules, whether they're in a game or social.  The other day Molly mentioned that in order for something to be bullying it had to happen every day.  Bullying is also pestering, exclusion, teasing, threatening, and so much more cloak and dagger than we can cover in a simple junior school curriculum - no matter how many pink shirts you wear for anti-bullying.  It can happen once in a blue moon, making it unpredictable, confusing, and an early marker for toxic relationships.

via The Knot

Last night Molly was in tears for an hour before bed because another kid was 'annoying her' and wouldn't leave her alone despite numerous calm and polite requests for this kid to back off.  Her solution was to offer them money to leave her alone. After I forbade her to buy her way out of a problem in a weird self-created extortion scenario she began to panic about conflict, people not liking her, and shared a jumble of other anxiety riddled fears.

I want to teach my kids to be resilient and problem solvers, but I don't want them to feel unheard.  As a former sufferer of extreme middle school bullying it's tempting to go Mama Bear and bulldoze.  Here's hoping we can constructively work to guide our kids to figure out ways to tell people to leave them alone that aren't rude or bullying themselves and that don't involve emptying piggy banks or faking sick from school.

Things My Kids Say As Posted On Twitter

We spend a lot of time with the minions and I'm fortunate enough to record the things that they say and do so I can look back on it and laugh.  Some of it makes the blog and other smaller moments don't.  One of the brilliant things about Twitter is how it's the ultimate parenting "elevator speech", because you have to keep it short. Below are recent Tweets, conversations, parental musings and things that the minions have done or said over the past month or two, for your reading pleasure that haven't made it to the blog.

via Giphy

1. J: what is The Godfather about? Dad: Don’t worry about it. It’s really good, but violent we can watch it when you’re older. M: But is it as good as Home Alone? #parenting


2. Dad: do you know what a crab apple tree is? J: yeah. I think so.  But does it pinch you?


3. J: ouch I banged my foot! dad: where does it hurt? J: I hurt my thumb toe #parenting #ThingsKidsSay


4. J: It's #ValentineDay so do we get to meet #cupid ? Me: I've never met him.  J: Cause I'm pretty sure I could beat him in a fight.  I mean he's a baby with terrible aim and he still wears a diaper #parenting #ThingsKidsSay

via Pinterest

5. M: who would win in an epic battle between #spiderman and his mortal enemy #OzzyOsbourne? Me: I am pretty sure that those two aren’t enemies but I would buy tickets to that movie #parenting #ThingsKidsSay #comics

6. I just poured some #MapleSyrup on some bowls of freshly fallen #snow and called it Pioneer #icecream & I can't remember the last time my kids were this excited about any food I've prepared for them #parenting


7. The husband is popping bubble wrap. J (angrily): Hey!!! Why are you doing my job! That’s my job!

via Tenor

Rebel Yell - Why I Let My 7 Year Olds Dye Their Hair

Growing up my parents didn't give me a whole lot to rebel against.  Sure I had my share of teen angst, but it mostly manifested itself in an over sized pair of Doc Martens, ripped fishnet stockings, and black lipstick that my mom hated with the fire of a thousand suns.  Which I LOVED to watch her hate - don't get me wrong.  But by them allowing me to 'let my freak flag fly' so to speak it probably kept me from jumping the shark tank in a lot of my so called 'rebellious' antics.

As stereotypical grandparents my mom and dad love to spoil my kids with chocolates, meals out, and most recently turtle ice cream.  There have been few times that the minions have heard the words 'No' uttered from my parents.

When I was a little kid, hair chalk, and semi-permanent spray weren't a thing,.  Also as a little kid it never would have occurred to me to ask my mom to dye my hair.  As a teen my mom would roll her eyes as I put manic panic into my hair, but not say or do much more.

I love changing up my hair...making it look different, mixing it up, and so do my kids. I also enjoy that I'm letting them do something that 'I couldn't do' when I was their age, but let them know this was mostly because this wasn't an option in the 1980's.

I figure by saying yes to these little things I open the door for dialogue for creativity, bonding moments as we decide on what looks best together, and for bigger conversation about calculated risk taking that have bigger stakes than colour that will eventually wash out or grow out.  I never let anyone colour all of their hair (cause that's expensive), but a streak here and there, no problem.

I know not all parents love that when my kids show up with their brightly coloured hair they get requests to do the same from their kids, but I do take pride in the fact that my kids are able to express themselves as they want, even from a young age.

This latest hair inspiration was care of Teen Titans Raven and Beast Boy and the kids are so excited about their hair.

How's your March Break going?