Thursday, 24 November 2011

Where Is My Mind?

Friday night was another episode of colic starring Molly.  After an hour and a half of straight screaming we decided to go on a road trip to a midnight madness sale that I'd received an e-flyer for from Babies R Us*.  When we pulled into the parking lot at 10pm our ten year old compact car** was dwarfed among an epic sea of mini vans and SUV's.  After a few smug comments on clever marketing to soccer mom's*** we stuffed a sleeping Jack and a screaming Molly into our baby carriers and headed towards the entrance.

As we approached the front doors we could see that Babies R Us was dead, with maybe six people in the giant super store, but that didn't account for the crowded parking lot.  We looked next door to see a giant line up outside of the neighbouring Toys R Us that went half way around the building.  Chris looked down at a slightly calmer Molly and exclaimed,  "Wow, I don't care how much you want a Cabbage Patch Doll, Tickle Me Elmo or whatever it is, we're not going to do that." And then we entered the baby store and began our shopping. 

As we reached the centre of the store we both realized that there was an entrance to Toys R Us in Babies R Us with no line or no blockade.  Surely these parents once frequented Babies R Us and knew about this secret passage.  Or had they forgotten?  People talk about Baby Brain in pregnant women, what they fail to realize is that there is something far worse than Baby Brain, it's called Parent Brain.*** * So we mocked the other parents and maybe even did a little dance jumping from one store into the other, unnoticed.

Mocking aside we are not immune to Parent Brain - we suffer from it daily and really shouldn't make fun of others, but aren't going to stop.  At our second baby wellness appointment I turned to Chris and asked him why our babies didn't have pictures on their health cards - and I wasn't joking. He just shook his head and patted me on the head patronizingly.  Last week I lost a bowl of compost somewhere in our house, I found it in the laundry room three days later. Two nights ago Jack had some gas issues, so I gave him some Infacol, in doing so I spilled some on my hand, so I licked it off.  Fifteen minutes later I had a giant hive on my lip and a rash all over my face, arms and neck.  I don't even know why I licked it off...It didn't even taste good.  Damn you, orange flavoured poison!  What was I talking about again?

*Or a parental version of a midnight madness sale which runs from 6pm until midnight.
**A hand me down car from my parents aptly named the "Sexfire" by my brother.
*** Yeah, I realize that we were there too.
****Waiting outside in the cold for two hours when there is another entrance with no line is a fine example of Parent Brain.

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