Friday, 16 November 2012

She Bangs

When I was a child my mother's solution to dealing with my hair was to give me a thick matt of bangs.  She claims it was an easy way to divide my tangle prone hair and framed my face when I wore it in a ponytail.  As a little one, it was pretty adorable.  By the time I hit 11 it was downright ugly.  Think hockey hair mullet hideous meets hipster TRYING to look bad repugnant. 

One summer, the year before grade 8, I decided to Sun-In my hair. I cannot believe that this product actually still exists, you might as well just take some bleach or hydrogen peroxide, put it in a hair spray bottle, cut it with a bit of tap water and apply liberally.*  The bang issue became down right ridiculous when I was too stupid to realize that my bangs kept getting trimmed and ended up with these dark bangs with partially bleached long hair.** Finally the summer before grade 9 I decided to grow my bangs out and despite some questionable hair band choices it was the right decision. 

Fast forward to the Spring of grade 10:  My highly persuasive friend DG and I were bored at her mother's house, she told me that she was really good at cutting hair and suggested that I try a set of really fun Betty Page/Janine Garafalo from Reality Bites inspired bangs.***  I agreed.  What I ended up with was Girl Interrupted disgustor bangs.  I dare you to Google any character in that movie, Winona, Angelina or Brittany: What do they all have in common?   Insanity caused by terrible hair-cuts.  It took me over a year, and a lot of gel and hair clips to deal with The Great Hair Disaster of 1994.  To this day DG admits that this haircut is the reason she stopped cutting hair.  She also gave another mutual friend KJ a haircut comparable to the male lead singer of Canadian TV show sensation CatWalk ****

What I wanted (Image courtesy of Google Images)

What I got, Sigh... (Image courtesy of Google Images)

Daycare picture day is less than two weeks away and Molly's hair is in her face constantly.  It's time to make a decision, which may impact her for years.  This morning I sent the following email to my sister:

Hey E,
Just a quick question...was mom's strict enforcement of terrible bangs the reason why both of your kids don't have bangs?

It's time for us to decide whether or not we give Molly bangs or start tying her hair up.

 Apparently my mom had no influence here.  My niece, A had bangs and decided to grow them out herself a couple of years ago, C has curly hair, so bangs never made sense.  My sister claims that bangs on children are easier to deal with than no bangs.
So, we still have a choice to make here. Do we cut it, or start giving her a top knot? Do I cut it myself, or leave it to a professional?

To this day I see Zoey Deschanel or Lily Allen and debate returning to the bangs yet again.  But then I think back to 1994, take a deep breath and change my mind. 

UPDATE 2014: I finally gave in and got bangs 6 months ago and am officially eating my words.

*Please don't really do that to your hair.  I'm in no way, shape or form anything of a chemist and am unaware the semi-permanent to permanent damage that bleach would do to your hair or eyes.
**Think Candice Cameron the Full House years.  I'm still shuddering.
***You may find yourself asking, "What 15 year old girl is going for a Janine Garafalo look?".  The answer, me, she is cool, sarcastic and fun.
****That was Neve Campbell you spotted.


  1. just looked at the latest picture of Miss.Molly that you posted to fb... I say go for a side bang clip until the rest of her hair grows a little bit, if you cut her bangs now it might look at little off. But you should totally give Mr,Jack man a little trim, he'd look even cuter then he does now.

    1. Yeah - he is looking kinda shaggy....I think this weekend he will get a haircut and we can do some clip work with the girl child!