Goodbye Yellow Brick Road

I've been having parental panic attacks about Jack and his potty training.  Molly has been day time potty trained for well over a year, whereas Jack has resisted: EVERY. SINGLE. ATTEMPT made at housebreaking him.  When Chris registered the minions for kindergarten a few weeks ago I came to a very serious realization.  I can't send him to kindergarten in diapers and he has less than six months to get his s%@t together (literally).

DISCLAIMER: This post is about potty training, so if that type of thing is not of interest, feel free to read this post comparing how youthful nights from your early twenties can be eerily similar to going out "partying" with your kids instead.

Logically I recognize that developmentally for a pre-schooler, six months is an eternity and that he'll be a very different child than he is today.  Obsessively based on my research and conversations from other parents I know that boys, for a reason that is unclear to most, just take longer to potty train than girls with most boys being day time potty trained somewhere between three and four years old, but I still panicked.

After months and months of praise, stickers and smarties as rewards for going on the toilet, we were no further ahead.  Even worse, Jack's diaper was dry almost every single morning proving, in my mind anyway, that he had bladder control he just didn't care to exercise it.  He would routinely walk over to me, diaper fully loaded with demands of, "Mommy, It's time for your to wipe the poop off my penis and balls." a frequent request which infuriated me on so many levels.  When he was 'working on something' and I'd asked what he was doing he'd respond, "pooping in my diaper." followed by, "can you clean it up now?"

Last Monday something changed.  We picked him up from daycare and were told that he'd been dry all day so they decided to put him in a pair of underwear instead of a diaper and just see what happened.  He kept his underwear dry for the rest of the day.  The next night when he had an accident he was heartbroken that he had forgotten and cried.  I have never been so thrilled to see my child cry as I was that afternoon. Suddenly we were all playing for the same team.  This week we had three accident free evenings and he's so incredibly proud of himself.  He didn't need treats as motivation (although he still demands them) and now he's daycare approved to arrive in underwear and not a diaper.  

I know that we still have a big hill to climb and that there will be accidents.  There is currently a potty that is sometimes filled with urine in my TV room that is not a part of my long term decoration plans, but provides motivation to keep the couch dry when he's watching  Dora the Explorer. Little boy laundry is at an all time high.

I put all of this pressure on him...read soooo many books and articles about potty training causing frustration for everyone in our house, for what?  I need to let my children tell me when they're ready for what's next instead of fretting.  I'm fairly certain that a dry pair of size four underwear is the most majestic and beautiful trophy I have ever seen (next to the potential for an email from daycare informing me that Jack qualified for the $240 monthy potty trained child discount).

To read 5 things we didn't know about early days of potty training click here.

To read about Molly's potty training successes click here.

To read about a failed attempt at potty boot camp for Jack last summer click here.

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Sing Sweet Nightengale - Movie Review Cinderella 2015

One of my New Year's Resolutions was to have a monthly one on one mom/minion date with one child (alternating months). That didn't transpire in January or February, so I decided to book a vacation day to ensure my first date really happened.  My first date was with Molly and consisted of breakfast with my sister, some quiet time, and the main attraction: taking Molly to her first movie in a movie theatre, Disney's 2015 release, Cinderella.

Movie Review Cinderella

Image Courtesy of Wikipedia

What's in it for the Kids?
A story that they know and love but in a live action format.  I'd argue that this movie is for slightly older kids.  Molly was the youngest child in the theatre by about two years.

What's in it for the Adults?
The costumes are amazing, I particularly loved the stepmother's wardrobe.  The increased focus on the stepmother and her ambitions as a social climber created a little bit of grey in the usual black and white World of Disney that I appreciated, particularly as someone who grew up with this as a favourite childhood story.

Best Parts of the Movie
The props, the costumes and the underlying message of, "Be Kind and Be Brave" repeated throughout.  Despite ample critique about perceived anti-feminist aspects, I was satisfied with this overall smart and modern(ish) messaging - for a fairytale.  Molly particularly liked one of the few lighter moments featuring Helena Bonham Carter as the Fairy God Mother who even provided commentary on the comfort level of glass slippers.  The transition of animals and pumpkins into coaches and coachmen was fantastically magical.  I'd say the two best performances went to Cate Blanchett and Helena Bonham Carter who brought both roles to a new level.

Worst Parts of the Movie
This movie felt heavy and a little long.  Some of the darkness could be attributed to the void of the usual trademark Disney music.

Overall Rating
I would rate this movie 3.5/5.  Molly enjoyed it, but there was no way that Jack would likely ever sit through this movie.  It didn't have all of the magic that I was looking for and I'd say that Molly felt the same way.  When asked, she says she liked it, but when we asked if she wanted us to purchase a copy when it comes out on DVD, she declined.  I would say this movie is made for die hard fans (and older kids) who are seeking a little more background on the characters and their motivations.

To read my review of Maleficent click here.

To read my review of Saving Mr. Banks click here.

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Stir It Up

It's pretty easy to get the minions excited about baking.  Weekly they ask me whose birthday is next to determine the source of their next fix of cupcakes or birthday cake.  Both kids line-up whenever I'm baking and readily want to help break eggs, dump measured cups of flour or sugar into a bowl or stir.  They are proud about what they make and I don't even mind picking out the egg shell shards before I hand over the big spoons for stirring. The only thing better than preparing the raw ingredients (with the exception of physically eating the cupcakes) is decorating them.  The kids will then proudly present the birthday girl or boy with their creations complete with their signature flurry of sprinkles (because sprinkles are for winners - Just ask Molly).

May the 4th cupcakes circa 2013.

Lately Chris and I have been making an active effort to ensure that we all eat better.  This means more time at the grocer, more time in the kitchen preparing food, more meal planning and less time online ordering Swiss Chalet.  I love cooking and trying new recipes, but I also love the time that I get after work to play with the minions and I find myself resenting the time I'm chopping veggies when I could be playing lime ball (basically bowling in our hallway using limes to knock over highlighters).

As hesitant as I am to let the minions join in cooking for fear of chopping knives and hot pots, I really want to share my love of cooking and increase their appreciation for the food they eat.  Chris and I both have a vested interest in having them help so they can learn a practical skill and spend more time with us while we cook. Eventually they can take charge of preparing a meal or two a week when they get older.  I have a few tricks up my sleeve to help them get more involved and to motivate them in the kitchen that don't necessarily involve sprinkles and frosting.

Someone's in the kitchen with Molly

5 Ways to Get Your Little Ones Involved In the Kitchen

1. Get them involved from the planning stage.  Chris started encouraging the kids to suggest items as they crave them to mom and dad so we can make sure they get added to the grocery list/weekly fruit and veggies delivery.  For the most part choices are surprisingly healthy.
2. Bring them grocery shopping and let them help put items in the cart and put them away when we get back home.  Monday's have become a highlight of Molly and Jack's week as they carry in and help put away our produce bin delivery.  We are routinely asked, "Is it basket day today?" because they find unveiling the contents of the basket so much fun.
3. Family gardening.  Last year was the first year in almost a decade that we didn't have a vegetable garden and I really missed it (even though Chris has always done about 95% of the gardening work in the past).  This year I plan to get the minions involved in selecting, planting, tending and harvesting our garden alongside us. 
4. Have them help with food preparation.  3-5 year olds can help with the following items: washing produce, mixing room temperature ingredients, tearing lettuce, squashing or mashing of ingredients, using measuring spoons to help fill and pour or if you're feeling particularly brave cutting soft ingredients with a plastic knife.
5. Use your imagination and make meals fun and memorable.  Both of my kids love playing and making pretend food for us and their friends.  Bring this to the next level with picnics or even something as simple as a meal where you eat your food under the table.

How do you get your kids excited about cooking and healthy food?


To read about ways to get yard work done, with toddlers click here.

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Shake it Off

Balance seems to be a key to parenting that I don't always get.  The scale swings a little too far in one direction and we work to even things out hoping that we're doing the right thing. Chris and I both pride ourselves on how polite the minions are.  They share, they're kind and sensitive and already there are times that this completely bites both of them.  Recent events and themes that keep recurring have made it clear to me that it's time to teach both kids a little bit about conflict resolution.

Because conflict resolution is something that many still struggle with the nuances of as adults, it's no wonder that in the black and white world of a toddler, these lessons are difficult to get across clearly and succinctly in a way that Molly and Jack can practice in real life.

A quiet sleep after collectively destroying the nursery, together.

The Scenario: The minions aren't getting along and having trouble sharing.  One of them (Molly, it's always Molly) comes to me to tell me that Jack took her toy (likely that she wasn't even playing with) and won't give it back.
What I want to say: Snitches get stitches.
What I probably should say instead: Unless someone is doing something dangerous, I'd like you and your brother to try to work things out on your own.
Why this is probably very confusing to the minions: Your definition of dangerous is very different than mine: you neglect to tell me when your brother has ingested three jumbo pieces of chalk, however when he pretends to lick you, this requires a code red level of attention.
What usually happens: Your dad and I probably step in more often then we should, but we're working on it.

The Scenario: One of the minions brings a book into school for show and tell.  Two months later, when we're reading the same story, we find out in great detail about how a kid at daycare ripped the sticker page out of the book and took it as their own personal trophy.
What I want to say:  Are you freaking kidding me? If this upsets you to the point where you're crying about it at bed time, why are you just telling me about this now and not two months ago when I could actually do something about it?
What I probably should say instead: If something upsets you and someone is wrecking your stuff, please tell an adult. Immediately.
Why this is probably very confusing the minions: I just told you not to be a tattletale and now I'm annoyed that you didn't tell me something.
What usually happens: We encourage you to stop bringing your favourite toys, stories etc. into daycare.

The Scenario: A kid at school isn't very nice to one of the minions.  They say mean things like they don't like said child and don't want to be friends.  This is upsetting enough that it gets mentioned to Chris and I, often.
What I want to say: This kid sounds like they're the worst.  The next time they do (insert jerk behaviour here) just tell them to eff off and leave you alone.
What I probably should say instead: Not everyone is going to be nice and not everyone is going to be your friend and that's okay.  You can be polite but not friendly.  I am never going to make you be friends with anyone, but I will try to teach you to be civil.
Why this is probably very confusing to the minions:  You have to be polite, but not a push over.  Sometimes you should walk away, other times stand up.
What usually happens: The minions are overly nice to this person and then complain to us that this child continues to "be mean".


Why I know that this will all be okay:
No matter how much they bicker, the minions already have each other's backs. They have become partners in crime and the loudest voices in the cheering section for each other.  Your dad and I will both pretend to be really upset the first time one of you gets into a scrap defending your brother/sister.

To read about why children of a certain age tend to see the world in black and white click here.

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Party All the Time

Last week, after bath, just moments before story and bed time, Molly came up with what I assumed was a new item in her arsenal of stall tactics.  She insisted that the following day was her bestie's birthday and that she wanted to make her a card - immediately.  I decided to humour her this time pulled out some construction paper for her to select from (pink naturally), let her draw with markers, wrote a message (care of her very explicit instructions) and had her place various stickers of her choosing all over the card.

The next morning, I checked the birthday board at pre-school and was surprised that bestie's birthday was in fact within the next few days.  That evening Chris came home from daycare pick-up concerned that our kids had yet to be invited to a birthday party by friends from their pre-school class.  He wondered if they were being left out.

Despite being a very active parent, I don't know a lot of things that many other parents do.  Beyond my own childhood experiences, I know very little about games and music for children.  I don't know the words to Sleeping Bunnies.  Molly's most requested music (beyond songs from Frozen and Sleeping Beauty) is Bob Marley and Simon and Garfunkel (which she affectionately calls Teddy Bear Music).  We don't frequent the Early Years Centres often and aren't incredibly social with other parents who aren't in our pre-existing friend group.  We are both, very vocally, selfish about our free time and want to spend it with Molly and Jack exclusively as much as possible.

Daycare drop off and pick-up with both minions is such a blur.  Beyond the  handful of parents whose names we know or we say occasionally hello to,  we typically identify each parent as either "Bob's Mom" or if we don't know the name of their child by their celebrity likeness.  For example Jennifer Garner Mom and Nirvana's Christ Novoselic Dad.  A lot of Molly and Jack's pre-school classmates  are going to be going to different schools next year, so I never thought much about involving them in party invite lists.  I envisioned dropping off and picking up my school aged children at parties, not accompanying their pre-school selves while I try with all my might not to actually call Jennifer Garner mom, Jennifer by mistake.

Chris sparked a concern -  Are the minions being excluded from social activities because their parents are seen, probably fairly accurately, as anti-social weirdos?

I began to text and email friends who are parents of older children to get their thoughts on when it's appropriate to invite school friends to parties and when does it get weird that my children have never been to one of these parties?  When should we be extending invitations?

Basically I was told that party invitations are more complicated for multiples.  Maybe a kid is friends with just Molly or just Jack and doesn't want to invite the other necessarily.

The very next day, our very first daycare inspired party invitation was placed in Molly's cubby, inviting both Molly and Jack to said bestie's birthday.  Now I'm in another question/research spiral where I figure out how much to spend and if I should purchase separate gifts for Molly and Jack to give.  I also need to prepare for small talk with a bunch of strangers.

Apparently it doesn't matter that Molly and Jack's parents have limited social skills.  Molly has enough to get all of us into the hottest parties.

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Superstition

In baseball when a pitcher has prevented the other team from achieving a hit for an entire game they earn the accomplishment of throwing a no-hitter.  This is extremely rare and is only achieved by about two pitchers each year (only 287 pitchers in Major League Baseball history since 1875).  Baseball like many sports is fairly supersitious, so if the pitcher is throwing a no-hitter you aren't allowed to talk about what's happening or talk to the pitcher for fear of jinxing them.

For the past month or two Chris and I were throwing a parenting no-hitter when it came to Jack.  I've learned the hard way  He was social, chatty, learning new words and skills every day.  He was finally starting to take a serious interest in potty training and using the toilet 90% of the time at daycare and about 60% of the time at home (which doesn't sound like a huge feat, but trust me - it is).

Last Monday I had my final meeting with Jack's special needs consultant.  Everything she had to report was positive.  He was exceeding all of the program's goals and was well on route to being "Kindergarten Ready".  In fact he was doing so well, that the file was being closed two sessions early.  Everyone gushed at how polite and kind Jack was and how he'd even become an example for other students.  We'd done it!  I was so excited.

I called Chris from the parking lot of the subway station on my way into work post meeting and boasted at how awesome our Jackie was doing.  That night it was as if someone had thrown a regression switch.  He was hitty, he was tantrumful and he crapped his pants, something he hadn't done during the day in quite some time.  Each night he asked me where his friend, the special needs consultant, had gone.  We tried explaining, but it didn't matter much.  Evenings were difficult and when we checked in at daycare we found he was being consistently challenging.  He was spending more time on the "timeout" chair than anywhere else.  It was exhausting.  We had officially talked during a no-hitter and were jinxed.

On Saturday during nap/quiet time Molly and Jack were fighting like cats and dogs.  Eventually Chris decided to separate them, allowing Molly to rest in our spare room.  Jack was livid.  He spun, kicked at the door and yelled in the nursery for about 20 minutes before he finally calmed down and went to sleep.

Later that afternoon, while Molly and I went grocery shopping, Chris tidied the nursery while Jack slept, hard.  As he cleaned he came across a victim of one of Jack's most recent tantrums:

When I got home and Chris showed me the wreckage, we called both kids into the kitchen and sat them down in front of the broken book and asked what happened.  Molly shrugged.  It became immediately apparent that the destruction occurred after they had been separated. Jack began to weep.  He sobbed that he was mad at daddy. We explained to him that destruction of property, especially his own, probably wasn't the best solution.   He cried more.  I made him apologize to Molly, because the book was hers too.  They hugged, we all hugged and he cried a little more, telling us about why he was sad.  He was golden for our sitter L that night, and Sunday was a step in the right direction.

Let's hope that Jack's going to start moving in the right direction again and that no further books are harmed in the wake of the next melt down.

To read about my jinxing my kids sleeping click here.

To read about Jack's mid-session update click here.

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Man! I Feel Like a Woman

Dear Molly & Jack,

This Sunday is International Women's Day.  I know that probably doesn't mean much to either of you yet.  Heck it didn't mean anything to me until a couple of years ago which is particularly shameful for someone who was half a credit shy of earning a minor in Women's Studies in her undergrad.

In 1975 the United Nations began celebrating International Women's Day on March 8th.  Forty years later it is celebrated as a day to look back on past struggles and achievements of women from the past as well as looking forward towards the potential and opportunities that we all hope are available to future generations of women, such as yourself Molly.

I didn't really feel the impact of the glass ceiling until I was in my thirties, when I smashed my head against it rather hard.  For over half a decade your father and I would play career tag as we'd catch up and pass each other with various new promotions on a regular basis.   We both continuously sought out new levels of professional experience and education.

Then we had you both.  Two amazing people who have provided more love and inspiration than I could ever imagine, leading me to write more than I ever had in my life.  For my maternity/parental year I focused on you, building our new lives as a family, my writing and I picked up a small contract with my work for several months to both show my post-parental dedication to my career and help me with the transition to my new life as a working mom.

Me and Molly, about a month before I returned to work.

On my first day back at the office I was so excited to have returned.  My day flew by, then half an hour before the end of the day I got a call that changed everything: one of you had spiked a fever and needed to come home immediately and not return to daycare until you were 24 hours symptom free.  I rushed out of the office, only to be faced with a 45 minute subway delay.  I wept all the way to daycare.  All of a sudden everything was different. I was torn between my ability to be a stand up employee and the mom I wanted to be at the same time.  In two words, it sucked.  Nearly three years later I still struggle.

I have always prided Chris and my equal relationship in our marriage and parenting.  Suddenly, I felt this equality was biting me. Chris was openly praised as this amazing dedicated dad and business professional and I felt like I was falling farther and farther behind as a 6-8pm parent who was struggling professionally.  It seemed like he was getting amazing professional support and accommodation for working from home, parental leave days and sympathy on being a working dad while I felt like I was under an unseen microscope as if I was unable to fully dedicate myself to a job. I continued to walk the tightrope of trying to prove myself to a new boss, using vacation time to care for sick children and getting incredibly sick myself on a regular basis, particularly in my first six months back.

Years later, as you continue to grow up and I continue to grow my career as a writer, I recognize that my title as a "mommy" blogger has a stigma attached to it that negates some of my credibility as a writer, but I continue to wear it as a proud badge (I've always had a thing for badges, just ask my Girl Guide leader). Anti-feminist movement and anti-women sentiment seemed to be a theme in 2014 as my rage began to boil. I wanted to both "lean in" and be a freaking awesome parent.

Molly, the other day you asked me if I was a woman and what that meant.  As we had our conversation about women and men you told me that you wanted to be a woman"RIGHT NOW" and not a little girl. I encouraged you to enjoy your youth, stating the obvious facts that you'll be an adult most of your life.

The truth is we have a lot of work to do as women and men before I'm ready for you to be a woman. I've never felt an urge to fight harder for my rights as a woman, as a professional and as a parent since you two have been born.  With all of the technology we have today to work remotely and allow for flexible hours it's shocking to see how many organizations are focused on hours of face time put in rather than production from individual employees.

I was raised in an environment filled with really strong women role-models, which I credit as one of the reasons why I didn't know about International Women's Day until recently.  I lived it each and every day.  On this International Women's Day, I am wishing I can provide you both the example I was and you never have to question how your gender impacts your professional or family needs and rights.  I will fight so hard to make sure that some major changes happen before you are both grown up.

Sincerely,
Mom


To view my post for International Women's Day 2014 on princesses and the Bechdel Test click here.

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What It Feels Like For A Girl

I always expected that my children would face similar growing pains to those I did.  I was prepared to support both children when constantly being the shortest person in their class, unathletism, a terribly ugly and pudgy middle-school phase and general awkwardness.  I never expected that my daughter would be willowy and tall for her age and I never thought that this would present problems in securing clothes for her that fit, but it does.  Being very aware how negative comments can impact body image, I try not to complain about wardrobe woes in front of either her or brother.  Molly is a strong and healthy young girl with good eating habits and an appetite for fruits and veggies which rival many fit adults.  That being said, winter is the most challenging time to clothe my daughter.

We are very blessed and have received a lot of hand me down clothing from friends and family which has saved us thousands of dollars. Unfortunately, Since Molly has been potty trained we've struggled with finding pants that are slim enough in the waist and long enough in the legs without the added bulk of a diaper to fill them out. 

Here are Six things that have worked for us so far in finding pants that fit (or nearly fit):
  
Overalls
Overalls were a great way to keep Molly's pants up, however once she was potty training they became a bigger hindrance than help.  There was always the danger of straps landing in the toilet and the clasps and buckles are pretty hard for to undo quickly for a little kid who "HAS TO GO NOW".  

Cropped Leggings
Since Molly has a size 2-3 waist and size 3-5 legs I often put her in leggings that are too short.  This works about six months of the year, but in colder seasons I needed to find a way to keep her ankles warm.

Boots
This one sort of worked itself out on its own.  Molly loves a stylish boot and if her pants are cropped, it doesn't really matter, because I can hike up her socks, tuck in her pants and no one will see the floods beneath her stylish pink sparkle boots.

Cinch Waisted Pants
A lot of brands of children's clothing now offer a series of elastics and buttons inside the waist band so you can adjust the tightness of the waist as your child grows.  That being said, I've never moved Molly's pants beyond the second smallest setting.

Roll it Like Brittany
Sometimes, after a sudden growth spurt or a nasty stomach virus, pants that fit last week just won't work any more and fall down constantly.  In these cases I fold the waist of the pants like my child is a late nineties Brittany Spears and cross my fingers that they'll fit properly in a week or two.  

Look for Slim Cuts
Skinny jeans were pretty much designed for toddlers like Molly.  After some online and personal research Gap, Levis Slims and Miniboden seem to be the go to brands for parents who need slim cut clothing for their children.

Any additional hacks or lists of slim cut brand suggestions that I can watch for would be welcomed!


To read about when Molly decided that she hated all of the jeans and leggings she owned click here.


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King of the Road

Before we left on our trip with the minions, I  researched some tips that would help us pack a little lighter and ensure we had what we needed for our travels.  With spring on the horizon I thought I'd share the things we implemented that worked best.

Six Travel Tips to Save Time, Money & Sanity When Travelling with Kids

1. Roll little kids outfits together as they'd wear them.  This will save you having to dig for socks, underwear and other accessories.  This will also save you space in your luggage as everything is in nice and tidy toddler "tubes".
2. Secure your "rolls" of children's clothing using hair ties.  This ensured that I had plenty of elastics for Miss Molly's hair while we were away.
3. Pack light travel books in carry on and packed luggage for your kids.  Some publishers offer "pocket books" for only a few dollars.  These smaller sizes come in handy when you're reading upwards of eight stories at the airport and on a flight.
4. Consider finding accommodations with laundry.  This means a few things, first you can pack lighter, second when travelling with wee ones you're on premises from about 8:30 or 9pm anyway, so why not do some laundry?  My mother in law was kind enough to let us use the washer and dryer a few times during our trip.  On our last night we were able to run laundry and pack an entire suitcase full of clean clothes - this meant less laundry when we got home which was an added bonus after a long flight.
5. If you are going to visit someone, connect with them about what they have that you can use or borrow.  Grandma and grandpa were able to borrow a toilet seat insert, water wings and provide beach towels, which meant we didn't have to pack those things.
6. Grocery shopping is key to saving money.  We made sure that grandma and grandpa stocked the house with crackers, apple juice, fruit, milk and gold fish crackers and made regular trips to the grocery store during our trip to re-stock.  This meant that we were able to eat two meals each day at grandma and grandpa's rather than at restaurants, saving a significant chunk of change.

Rolled toddler apparel

To read my tips on air travel with little ones click here

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