Push

When Jack is motivated to do something he is an unstoppable force.  The thing is, his motivations often are outside of traditional drives.  He could care less about athletics and passion for school projects come on a case by case basis.  Making comics about his life? He's on it.  Doing math? He's writing his answers messily and quickly to ensure he gets some time to sit on the carpet and read during his school day.  When he's bored he daydreams.  A lot.  Boredom doesn't always mean 'not challenged', sometimes it just means disinterested.

One of the most frustrating things about parenting is when your kids behave exactly like you did as a child. Every once in a while, when Jack has me at the end of my nerves, the husband is quick to point out that the acorn didn't fall far from the tree.

Image Courtesy of Tenor

Since he was born, Jack has done things on his own schedule.  Walking, talking, potty training, and now school.  Over the years he has worked very hard on everything from speech therapy to occupational therapy.  It feels there is often an uphill battle or one on the horizon.

When it comes to school skills there are a lot of things he is perfectly capable of completing for his tutor.  Neat(ish) writing, check, concentration, check.  At school the myriad of distractions have this out the window.

Ideally Jack would perform consistently everywhere, but he doesn't.  So we've talked to him, constantly about being a bigger kid and that he needs to step up his effort.  How answers to written assignments are to be longer than one short illegible sentence, how emojis do not replace words in academic writing, and how a smidgen of effort towards team sports will go a long way in gym class.

So far all we've come up with is a 'When you' rule.  Where when he performs at the level we know he's capable of, consistently for a full month we order him whatever new book he wants from Scholastic.  If his performance drags, the book sits up on a shelf he can't reach until it improves. I hate the idea of withholding books for performance, and that it's counter intuitive to withhold an opportunity to read, but this seems to be the only thing working to motivate him.  Otherwise he'd spend all day at school reading and handing in half-assed assignments.

Anyone have any other ideas?  How do we reward Molly who is super motivated at school all the time? I should probably talk to his teacher.  Sigh.  So it begins....Welcome Back to School everyone!

End of an Era - The Pumpkin Edition

One of the things I love most about living relatively close to where I grew up is that I get to share experiences with my kids that I loved in my childhood.  One of those items was 'the great pumpkin' at Plant World, an Etobicoke staple in gardening for generations.  

As a kid, my mom would take us to visit the pumpkin while she shopped for plants and we loved playing in the giant jack-o'-lantern.  Each year, as a family tradition Chris and I take the minions to Plant World and while we shop for pumpkins they run around playing in the same giant beast of a fake pumpkin I did.  We even take a photo each year to show how much they've grown.

One of the first ever visits to the pumpkin circa 2013.

Anyone who has lived in Toronto knows that condo builds are popping up everywhere.  In the Junction I'm seeing graffiti on billboards announcing new builds spray painted with, "We Don't Need Anymore Condos".  This week BlogTo shared that the current location of the Junction Farmers' market is going to become yet another condo build.  Earlier this year we lost the only subway accessible first run movie theatre in the west end of Toronto, The Humber, to a condo build.  Don't get me wrong, growth is great, but where are all of these people going to shop, or have a sense of community?

Needless to say, it didn't surprise me when I found out that Plant World Family will be closing at the end of September.  I imagine that large expanses of condos will pop up soon after.  This weekend we're going to visit Plant World one last time.  I don't know whether or not the Great Pumpkin is out, but we'll see (I'll update if it is so anyone in the area who wants to visit can).  I'll probably pick up some succulents for my workspace while I'm there cause it's a little early for pumpkins.

Thank you Plant World!  You served Toronto for three generations and my family for two.  Best of luck on your new adventures!

It looks like it's time for a new Halloween tradition for the minions.  Anyone have any Halloween traditions you'd like to share?

Street Smart - Raising Street Smart Kids

We are lucky enough to live in the big city of Toronto.  This means amazing access to transit, public services, art, entertainment, and more.  It also means that there are some unique challenges and things our kids need to be aware of, and that we as parents need to teach them to help foster independence and safety.

The other day, when I was on the bus with the minions, I overheard a dad repeatedly asking his kids if they knew what number bus they were on, where it was going, and other steps on how to get to their destination.  It made me think of all of the little things we teach Molly & Jack to help them gain independence in Toronto.

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Here are 15 things you can teach your kid to help them become more street smart, no matter where you live.

1. No Horseplay On The Subway Platform or Bus Platform, Period. 
2. The Subway separation rule: if you get on a train your guardian doesn't, get off at the next stop and wait in the red designated waiting area until they come retrieve you.
3. Pick meeting places in all public areas (from amusement parks to malls and anywhere else you might get separated).
4. Teach them what to do if they ever come across a needle or weapon (i.e. don't touch it and tell a trusted adult right away).
5. Teach them your street name, address, and phone number.
   
   

   

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6. Talk to them about the adults in your life who are permitted to pick them up from school etc. so they know who may come to them in an emergency (and who wouldn't).
7. Teach them which neighbours house they can run to if there is ever an emergency at home.
8. Work on test family fire drills to help them know what to do in case of emergency.
9. Teach them how to dial 911, and how to know when it is necessary to make the call.
10. Teach them about traffic signals, right of way, and set a good example yourself (no jaywalking).
    
    

    

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11. When you walk with them to routine places, like school, let them lead the way and show you how to get there.
12. Teach them the names of bus routes and subway stations in your neighbourhood and talk to them about the journey so they can get familiar with reading signs at stations and knowing where to go.
13. Teach them awareness, when it comes to cars backing out of driveways, a stranger who is sitting in a car in front of the house, and how to note and describe how a person looks.
14. Teach them where to look for strangers they can trust in an emergency (i.e. person who works at an information booth at a mall, security guard, shop owner etc.)
15. Talk to them about rules for adults and kids they know and trust (like when should they call a parent to ask permission anyway, when it's okay to keep a secret (when it's a surprise), and when they should tell a trusted about something even though a friend has asked them not to and how it's best to tell when someone's safety is involved.

What rules are you teaching your children to help them navigate their journey from little kid to big kid status?

First Day Of School

As we've been getting ready for the return to school, I am reminded of my own first days as a kid.  I remember being excited about my new 'cool' (it was never actually cool) fall wardrobe that it was way too warm to wear on the first day, but that I'd insisted on wearing anyway and broil - ALL DAY LONG.

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I remember feeling excited and then equally disappointed on the first day of school.  Growing pains felt extra sharp after leaving the summer cocoon of life in day camp and hanging out at home.  I also remember keeping these feelings to myself.

One of my worst first days of school (try saying that 5 times fast) happened in my last year of high school.  Instead of celebrating the end of high school alongside people I'd known since I was a grade schooler, I switched schools. The choice was something very uncharacteristic for me and it was the first time I'd ever felt so alone.  So many people knew each other and I did not.  People were politically active and passionate about everything from global warming to vegetarianism to films.  I was not. I was a fish out of water.

As people paired off together I found myself alone, feeling overwhelmed and uninformed.  I went home and cried.  A lot.  I had asked for this. I had begged my parents to let me try out this 'strange alternative school' and I couldn't just throw in the towel.

I wiped off my tears.  It became a year that I met lots of interesting people who taught me a lot, I became comfortable with myself and being alone. I read, a lot, and I pushed my limits academically in a way I never had before. I found my first writing voice.  I earned a university scholarship.  I met a lot of interesting people who were very different from me and I found a confidence in myself that I never knew existed.

One of the things I want to remind myself, and a lot of parents about, is that the easy transitions aren't always the ones that make us grow.  Tonight, on the eve following the first day of school, I have one child who is very excited about what is ahead, the other who is hesitant.  What the year brings them, none of us know yet, but if it's a tough one it will also be one where they grow and learn a lot about themselves.

Happy First Day Of School!