Things My Kids Say As Posted On Twitter

It's been a while since I shared someisolated gems my kids say. While they're getting older and are a little less random, they still manage some zingers. All items I share on Twitter (and here) I share with their express permission.  These are the things my kids say, as posted on Twitter.  Enjoy!

Image via Giphy

1. J: can I watch that Netflix show The Ripper? Me: no, it’s inappropriate. J: Why? Is it about farts?

2. Every time my kids do something weird I remind myself that when I was a child I collected sad clown dolls, but was secretly afraid of them & would turn them all towards the wall before I went to bed so they couldn't watch me sleep. #parenting #memories

3. M: I know how to do laundry. First you put the dirty clothes in the machine, then you pour oil all over them, and then you turn it on. When it's done you have clean clothes. #thingskidssay #parenting

4. J: can i borrow your phone so I can look up how much a prosthetic swollen face is? I need to know if I have enough allowance saved up. #parenting

via Giphy

5. They’re such big kids. Until you hear your son yell from the shower “hey, wanna here my orca impression” and then you know they aren’t quite grown yet #parenting

7. M: Mom, you're wearing eye makeup today. Me: I'm not wearing any makeup today. M: (pause) Oh, so those are just circles under your eyes from being tired. #parenting

8. Me: J where were you? You're supposed to be paying attention in class. J: just dancing in the hallway. #kids

via Giphy

9. J: ever notice when people in movies are trying to be sexy it just comes off like they were pretending to be cats? #parenting #thingskidssay

10. Teaching J to build a fire. J: so when it’s time to add another log can I just throw it into the fire as hard as I can? Me: no.  J: so that would be a bad idea? Me: to throw a giant projectile at the fire? Yes. J: Ohhhhh #parenting #camping