Material Girl

Last week I decided to make up a resume for Jack because it's never too soon to get your children working...How else are we going to raise ourselves a family of Culkins?  Here's Molly's:

Molly (AKA Molly Badali, Badali, Moll, Queen Molly, Miss Molly, Thing One)

Home Address: Storybook Themed Nursery, next to the loud guy

Phone Number: Baby Monitor held to ear - radio wave B.

Skills

• Pointing accusingly (like the evil monkey on Family Guy)
• Tantrum guru
• Management skills: Have staff of two girl toddlers at daycare to "do" her bidding
• Can say about 60 words enunciated well most of which involve bossing out orders 
• Can say "No" with her entire body

Current Employment

Position: Toddler

18 months - Current

Responsibilities Include the following:

• Showing everyone her belly button
• Waving at strangers like she's on a red carpet (even if it's mid tantrum)
• Jumping on the couch
• Sitting on mom's lap
• Sucking her thumb
• Irrational attachment to flannel blankets AKA "gits"
• Dancing
• Tidying up by throwing random objects into the garbage

Previous Employment

Position: Infant

0 months - 18 months

Responsibilities Included the following:

• Colic, oh lord the colic
• Fear of men with moustaches
• Screaming (can break baby monitors with a single scream)
• German - when angry yelled "NEIN!"
• Eating dirt, grass, sand

Honours & Awards

•  Hair ripped from anyone's head, held up like a trophy

Hobbies

• Stealing other people's shoes and trying them on
• Colouring & Painting
• Dishwasher door surfing
• Eating raspberries
• Pretending she is going to share food with you and then popping it into her mouth at the last second and laughing
• Poking people in the eye while yelling "EAR!"
• Drinking mom's cream soda
• Attempting to drink mom's wine

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