The Rules for Breaking the Rules

Jack likes rules. Some of that is related to his level 1 autism. Part of that is his personality. He likes the predictability and the structure of rules. He knows what to do and what to expect and is good at it.

Earlier this week, Molly had an accident in the schoolyard and planted on her face. Ultimately she was okay - no teeth chipped or broken, no stitches needed, but there was a lot of blood, broken braces brackets, and one braces bracket had to be removed from her lip by our dentist because no one else could get her lip free.

Before Molly went to the office to call me to come and get her (and to get some ice for her swelling face), she needed to go to the washroom to wash away some of the blood. Jack stood outside the girls' washroom, paralyzed and upset. He wanted to be there to help his sister, but entering the girls' washroom was against the rules, so he stood there waiting outside, feeling completely impotent, waiting for Molly to come out. 

Photo by Karolina Grabowska: https://www.pexels.com/photo/close-up-of-mans-hands-playing-a-game-6333907/

Now that the emergency is over, we've talked to Jack about how it would be totally okay for him to break the rules in this case. It was the end of the school day and the washroom was likely empty or near empty, and he could have announced, "BOY COMING INTO THE BATHROOM - EMERGENCY" before they headed in.

I've been working on a list of RULES for BREAKING THE RULES to help both Jack and Molly better understand when it's okay to break the rules and to learn to trust their own judgement. Here's what I've come up with so far.

It's okay to break the rules sometimes if...

1) It's an emergency, and you are helping someone.

2) Breaking the rule does more help than harm.

3) You understand the spirit of the rule, and what you are doing is still moral.

He seems to get it! We've also shared this with Molly for her own reference.

Grey areas like this are tricky, and Jack finds this type of thing even more challenging, but we're getting there. They seem to understand that if they are breaking a rule for the greater good and they get in trouble, they can get someone to call us  so we can settle it together.

Here's hoping for a less dramatic remained of the week!