So Sorry - Happy Mother's Day!

It's that time of year again.  The birds are chirping, the sun is out and the minions need hats, coats, t-shirts and sunblock each morning at daycare because the weather can't quite decide what to do.  It's also just over a week until Mother's Day.  So in annual tradition, today I look back on the year that has passed and apologize to my own mom for "crimes" that I most likely violated when I was three years old based on my own motherhood experiences.  Here it goes....

Dearest Mom,

I am so incredibly sorry for....

• Being a drama queen and then crying because you suggested that I was being, well, dramatic.
• Handing you my banana peels, granola bar wrappers and dirty Kleenexes instead of throwing them into the garbage and acting like you were my own personal custodian.
• Throwing the above-mentioned garbage onto the floor (or down the sides of the couch cushions) instead of in the garbage "myself" as you suggested.
• So much car sickness.  A hose is not enough to get out the smell.
• Drawing on the walls with crayons or pens.
• Eating sand and dirt out of potted plants and getting worms. When confronted about eating sand this week Jack responded with, "It's okay mom, this time I pretended it was chicken."  It's only a matter of time.
• Using your antique wooden furniture as my own personal sticker book.
• Pooping on the floor beside the toilet.
• Making you act like referee only to sneak back to playing with the sibling I was fighting with moments later.
• Tattling over stupid stuff and "forgetting" to tell you stuff that mattered.
• Not keeping track of my toys/personal belonging and then throwing a tantrum when you couldn't produce them on demand.
• Stretching out any of your favourite shirts by yelling, "I'm going back inside your belly!" and literally climbing inside your shirt.
• Demanding that we watch the same show (Dora, Peppa the Pig) for the bazillionth time and then sweetly asking if you could sit with me and cuddle, because I know you will, even if you don't want to.
• Forcing you to spend more time in disgusting public washrooms than you ever thought possible (even though we left the house ten minutes ago).
• Any time I was a liar: told bold faced lies, was shocked and devastated when you busted me and then requested an apology for making me "feel sad".
• The mass destruction of your property, most recently ripping $30 worth of wrapping paper because you were "practising opening presents".
• This only being the tip of the ice berg....

P.S. Still not sorry for the black lipstick I wore as a teenager.

P.P.S. I wouldn't trade any of it for anything in the world!

To see last year's apology note click here.

To see the 2013 apology note click here.

To see an apology note from the infant years click here.

To view the Mother's Day card hall of shame click here.

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Sweater Song

Saturday seemed like a bad omen that Mother's Day was destined for, well disaster.  One child started screaming hysterically about half an hour into their afternoon nap.  It turned out they had soiled themselves and attempted to solve the problem by shoving their hands down the back of their diaper and rubbing the contents over their face.  That very evening Chris and I went out for a date night.  Shortly after dinner, we'd retired to a local pub and were just about to "Cheers" a drink, when I got a call from our sitter A.  She never calls, so I knew this would be bad.  The other child had pulled an Exorcist level of vomiting all over their crib.  We finished our drinks and walked home*, cutting our night significantly short.  It turns out, thankfully, that the vomit was a one off, and we thanked A for her braveness, strong stomach and kindness in the face of our gross minions.

Holding hands on our Mother's Day Morning Walk.  Mother's Day is the only day that Chris would ever let me put them in matching English bonnets and sweater coats.

My Mother's Day was great, Here's a list of my top 6 Mother's Day Moments this Year:

1. This year not only did I avoid changing a single diaper, Chris upped the ante: I didn't prepare a single bottle, slice a single grape or have to administer any discipline (save for when Jack bit his cousin).  I was given the Mother's Day gift of being able to play with my children - All Day Long, without playing the role of caregiver or bad cop.
2. Cinnabons for breakfast (even though Chris pretended he was going to serve me passion flakies which I hate)**
3. Chris let me dress the twins up like little dolls in matching clothes that my mother knit them.  It was like playing dolly all over again and reminded me of one of the most important reasons why I had children: Dress-up!
4. The number of hipsters at the local flea market who complimented Jack's amazing knitted attire and how dapper he looked in his nana knits.
5. On Saturday Chris asked me how much weight I thought the children could lift.  I should have been suspicious.  I guesstimated 6-8lbs, and  I was wrong.  When Chris tried to secure the corners of a blanket for our indoor picnic/English picnic*** with 10lb weights we all  learned quickly that Jack can lift up a 10lb weight and swing it around quite easily.  Bam Bam smash picnic real good.
6. They slept through the night.  On a Sunday.  Sunday night uninterrupted sleep is like a unicorn, beautiful precious and mythical.

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*Going home early, that's a sacrifice I'm willing to make for my children, wasting booze, come on, how else are we going to muster up the strength to tackle mount vomit?
**I have a serious issue with pastry of almost any kind.
***Held inside, or inside your car because it's raining.