So Sorry - Happy Mother's Day!

It's that time of year again.  The birds are chirping, the sun is out and the minions need hats, coats, t-shirts and sunblock each morning at daycare because the weather can't quite decide what to do.  It's also just over a week until Mother's Day.  So in annual tradition, today I look back on the year that has passed and apologize to my own mom for "crimes" that I most likely violated when I was three years old based on my own motherhood experiences.  Here it goes....

Dearest Mom,

I am so incredibly sorry for....

• Being a drama queen and then crying because you suggested that I was being, well, dramatic.
• Handing you my banana peels, granola bar wrappers and dirty Kleenexes instead of throwing them into the garbage and acting like you were my own personal custodian.
• Throwing the above-mentioned garbage onto the floor (or down the sides of the couch cushions) instead of in the garbage "myself" as you suggested.
• So much car sickness.  A hose is not enough to get out the smell.
• Drawing on the walls with crayons or pens.
• Eating sand and dirt out of potted plants and getting worms. When confronted about eating sand this week Jack responded with, "It's okay mom, this time I pretended it was chicken."  It's only a matter of time.
• Using your antique wooden furniture as my own personal sticker book.
• Pooping on the floor beside the toilet.
• Making you act like referee only to sneak back to playing with the sibling I was fighting with moments later.
• Tattling over stupid stuff and "forgetting" to tell you stuff that mattered.
• Not keeping track of my toys/personal belonging and then throwing a tantrum when you couldn't produce them on demand.
• Stretching out any of your favourite shirts by yelling, "I'm going back inside your belly!" and literally climbing inside your shirt.
• Demanding that we watch the same show (Dora, Peppa the Pig) for the bazillionth time and then sweetly asking if you could sit with me and cuddle, because I know you will, even if you don't want to.
• Forcing you to spend more time in disgusting public washrooms than you ever thought possible (even though we left the house ten minutes ago).
• Any time I was a liar: told bold faced lies, was shocked and devastated when you busted me and then requested an apology for making me "feel sad".
• The mass destruction of your property, most recently ripping $30 worth of wrapping paper because you were "practising opening presents".
• This only being the tip of the ice berg....

P.S. Still not sorry for the black lipstick I wore as a teenager.

P.P.S. I wouldn't trade any of it for anything in the world!

To see last year's apology note click here.

To see the 2013 apology note click here.

To see an apology note from the infant years click here.

To view the Mother's Day card hall of shame click here.

To get access to the newest posts from Multiple Momstrosity and more on Facebook click here and follow today! 

Mamma Mia

Mother's Day is just over a week away.  This means that after yet another 12 months of parenthood I know that I have a lot more to apologize for.  Not only do I have my own infant/toddler antics to repent for, I have strife caused by my progeny to add to this list. 

The Third Member of our "Wolf Pack", she likes to play by her own rules

Dear Mom,

I'm SO SORRY:

• For all of the things I made you miss when I was sick, including that trip to Hawaii when I had the measles.
• For throwing up on you, repeatedly.  I had weeks this year where the vomit on mom count broke double digits.
• About anything that you ever had to throw out because I threw up on it and made it smell terrible permanently.
• That Jack smashed the candle holder chachkie (that our family called a pookie) you've had in your living room since I was his age.
• That after searching on line for a replacement "pookie" I made a point of letting you know what I found on line when I tried to buy a pookie*.
• For any jewelry I forcibly tore off of you're body and in turn destroyed.
• I pretended to be upset when you left me with a babysitter to get a reaction/guilt you and then immediately calmed down the moment you were out of sight.
• For scratching, hitting, biting, and clawing you.
• About any time I waited until I had a fresh diaper to take a dump.
• If I had any fascination with grabbing at my feces while you attempted to change my diaper.**
• For getting angry any time you didn't take my tantrums seriously.***
• Sleepless nights
• Getting you sick when I got sick.
• My kids get you sick when you help me out, so I can keep a job and a life.
• For crying, ranting and raving on the phone and in person about how insane my children are, even though I know that they're just like me.

P.S. I'm still not sorry for wearing black lipstick as a teenager.

To see last year's apology blog click here

*Urban definitions of a pookie: 1) Soaking tampons in alcohol and inserting them, either vaginally or rectally, in order to get drunk, 2) or a pipe used to smoke methamphetamine
**Bonus, additional apologies if you were just about to go out anywhere when I did this.
***Because come on, toddler tantrums are ridiculous and hilarious.