The Third Member of our "Wolf Pack", she likes to play by her own rules
Dear Mom,
I'm SO SORRY:
- For all of the things I made you miss when I was sick, including that trip to Hawaii when I had the measles.
- For throwing up on you, repeatedly. I had weeks this year where the vomit on mom count broke double digits.
- About anything that you ever had to throw out because I threw up on it and made it smell terrible permanently.
- That Jack smashed the candle holder chachkie (that our family called a pookie) you've had in your living room since I was his age.
- That after searching on line for a replacement "pookie" I made a point of letting you know what I found on line when I tried to buy a pookie*.
- For any jewelry I forcibly tore off of you're body and in turn destroyed.
- I pretended to be upset when you left me with a babysitter to get a reaction/guilt you and then immediately calmed down the moment you were out of sight.
- For scratching, hitting, biting, and clawing you.
- About any time I waited until I had a fresh diaper to take a dump.
- If I had any fascination with grabbing at my feces while you attempted to change my diaper.**
- For getting angry any time you didn't take my tantrums seriously.***
- Sleepless nights
- Getting you sick when I got sick.
- My kids get you sick when you help me out, so I can keep a job and a life.
- For crying, ranting and raving on the phone and in person about how insane my children are, even though I know that they're just like me.
P.S. I'm still not sorry for wearing black lipstick as a teenager.
To see last year's apology blog click here
*Urban definitions of a pookie: 1) Soaking tampons in alcohol and inserting them, either vaginally or rectally, in order to get drunk, 2) or a pipe used to smoke methamphetamine
**Bonus, additional apologies if you were just about to go out anywhere when I did this.
***Because come on, toddler tantrums are ridiculous and hilarious.
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