First Day Of School

As we've been getting ready for the return to school, I am reminded of my own first days as a kid.  I remember being excited about my new 'cool' (it was never actually cool) fall wardrobe that it was way too warm to wear on the first day, but that I'd insisted on wearing anyway and broil - ALL DAY LONG.

via Giphy

I remember feeling excited and then equally disappointed on the first day of school.  Growing pains felt extra sharp after leaving the summer cocoon of life in day camp and hanging out at home.  I also remember keeping these feelings to myself.

One of my worst first days of school (try saying that 5 times fast) happened in my last year of high school.  Instead of celebrating the end of high school alongside people I'd known since I was a grade schooler, I switched schools. The choice was something very uncharacteristic for me and it was the first time I'd ever felt so alone.  So many people knew each other and I did not.  People were politically active and passionate about everything from global warming to vegetarianism to films.  I was not. I was a fish out of water.

As people paired off together I found myself alone, feeling overwhelmed and uninformed.  I went home and cried.  A lot.  I had asked for this. I had begged my parents to let me try out this 'strange alternative school' and I couldn't just throw in the towel.

I wiped off my tears.  It became a year that I met lots of interesting people who taught me a lot, I became comfortable with myself and being alone. I read, a lot, and I pushed my limits academically in a way I never had before. I found my first writing voice.  I earned a university scholarship.  I met a lot of interesting people who were very different from me and I found a confidence in myself that I never knew existed.

One of the things I want to remind myself, and a lot of parents about, is that the easy transitions aren't always the ones that make us grow.  Tonight, on the eve following the first day of school, I have one child who is very excited about what is ahead, the other who is hesitant.  What the year brings them, none of us know yet, but if it's a tough one it will also be one where they grow and learn a lot about themselves.

Happy First Day Of School!

Schooldays - A Note For All JK Parents

Dear Parents of JK Children or Kids entering school for the first time - This blog entry is for you.

Two years ago I optimistically approached my children's entry into Junior Kindergarten with open arms and an ear to ear grin.  They were going to meet new friends, they were going to learn awesome thing, and our daycare fees were going to diminish significantly. Everything was coming up unicorns, sparkles, and puppy dogs, until it wasn't.

In about a week a number of people I know are going to have their children entering school for the first time, and I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but your kid is probably going to be a disaster for a little while, but that's completely normal.  Take a deep breath, by the time September is over all of this is going to be a new routine and you'll have earned a new parenting badge - Bravo!

What I learned During The First Month Of School

Jack fast asleep before dinner in the early days of JK

• Even if your child has been in daycare since they were three months old, this is not the same as school, it will take your kiddo a while to adapt.  Think about it like you're starting a new job, they're four years old and don't have nearly the number of coping skills you do as an adult.  
• Your kid might cry, freak out about drop off, and regress to some serious toddler behaviour but odds are they aren't going to be the most out of sort kid in the class...and even if they are I'm betting their teacher has seen much, much worse at one time or another.
• Contact your child's teacher when you need to about their special snowflakeness, but don't overdo it. Remember your kid's kindergarten teacher also has 29 other eager beaver parents telling them in great detail about the minutia of little Bobby's bowel movements.  Don't be that parent.
• You know how your kid hasn't napped for you in what feels like years?  Odds are they'll fall asleep at school in the first couple of weeks of class at least once. (Don't worry most teachers think it's kinda cute).
• Your potty trained child is totally going to pee their pants (put spare clothes in their backpack just in case).  Even if they don't pee their pants they'll do something ridiculous at the water table that will require a change of clothes.
• The number one way to make an enemy with your kid's teacher is to refer to kindergarten as "free daycare" - seriously some parents actually do this, which teachers naturally LOVE!
• This new adjustment is going to turn your child into a total a$$h01e most evenings for the first few weeks of school.  Don't worry, odds are they're being great for their teacher and saving it all up for you, the parent!
• Even the most beautiful bento boxed lunches will go uneaten, leaving you with a ravenous child twenty minutes after their bed time.  Good luck with that.
• Most of those cute backpacks in the shape of animals aren't big enough to store your kids stuff and they're totally going to break.  The first year of school I skimped on backpacks and we busted three per child with wear and tear and poor sizing over the school year.  Packs that are designed to meet the ergonomic needs of kids aged 4-6 (think wider instead of taller, with a front clip to keep it from sliding off their shoulders works best).
• In a year or two this will all be a memory tinted with rose coloured glasses.

As we approach grade one, my spidey senses are tingling.  Change is afoot!  

Good luck parents!  Enjoy kindergarten, cause before you know it, it will be a memory!


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My Own Prison

In celebration of the official first day of school I am going to post something that I wrote a couple of months ago about my experiences as a kid and how my time as a mom has altered them.  I have hesitated from posting this entry for a while, because it's really personal.  In unrelated news, I am exhausted from completing the 3 Day  Novel Contest this weekend, and I am proud to say that we finished our novella, What's in it for Ned? just under the wire.  If I never see another plate of lasagna again I might be okay with that.

My first year in school there were very few other girls in my class.  My mom became fast friends with another mom and I ended up having play dates with "Friend" (FR) by association.  At first the friendship wasn't so bad, and I didn't have any other female friends for comparison, all of the kids that I played with on my street were boys and I wasn't wise to the world of "girl" friendship yet.

The first chip at our friendship was when she told me that another girl in our class routinely said the F word.  Only knowing that the F word was forbidden I dumbly asked said girl if she said the F word, FR then announced that this just wasn't true and called me a liar in front of all of our class mates.  I let it slide, cause I was 5 or 6 years old and didn't know how to deal with it.

FR's mom and mine car-pooled us to various outings, had us exchange play dates and took us out for girl's days (shopping and lunch)  on PA days.  Her mom always commented about how quiet, obedient and polite I was*, that I always finished my vegetables and said please and thank you.  The result of this was her open, utter and total dislike for me that grew exponentially with each year that passed along with my own silent passiveness.  

As time went by FR became quite popular and I floundered in my own prepubescent dorky awkwardness.  I'd be invited to her parties with the popular girls, but only because her mom made her.  I continued to be chauffeured to various after school activities with her where she'd ignore me once we arrived and made fun of everything about me from the way I tucked my leggings into my slouchy socks and how she knew that I still played with Barbies because I was such a loser.**  I'd sit there anxiously while the popular girls chatted about french kissing, periods, boys and make-up with nothing to contribute to the conversation.

At a peak of my own awkwardness with giant earrings, a floral dress, awful bangs and Ugly Betty Braces. 

For some weird reason at the time I never objected to doing anything with FR or ratted out to my mom that I thought she was a bitch.  I think it was an odd respect for her popularity.  I still don't get why I didn't just let my mom know that I didn't want to be friends with FR any more.  After grade 8 FR and I never spoke again.  It was as if we'd finally finished our 8-10 year prison sentence and were finally placed on parole.  By the end, our hatred towards each other, even though mine was silent, was completely mutual.

As I grew up, and came into my own in high school and university (in what I like to think of as a dorky Enid from Ghost World kind of way) I began to chastise my mom for making me hang out with FR.  My mom is still in contact with FR's mom and whenever she gives me updates I respond with something to the effect of , "I don't care".

Now that I'm a mom and I've blindly entered the world of parenthood and parent friends I'm beginning to understand what my mom was going through.  She found another mom who genuinely liked to hang out with.  They still talk on the phone regularly and meet up a couple of times a year for nearly 30 years now.  As I try to navigate the world of mom friendship I've begun to realize that adult friendship is about having more in common than, "We're both parents so let's hang out." My mom is a real person with adult needs for friendship.  I think that in my own anger about how I didn't react to a personal situation I forgot this somewhere along the way.

The next time my mom gives me an update about FR I am going to channel my polite 6 year old self: listen, bite my lip, maybe eat some vegetables and keep my snarky comments to myself.***  All my mom is going is updating me on what's new with her friend and I'm nowhere near the prison school yard any more.  Besides me and my dorky AWESOME friends always had a better time together anyway.

*I am pretty sure that anyone who knows adult Sarabeth is probably wiping coffee off of their monitors because they're laughing so hard.  I used to be quiet and polite.  It was a phase, I'm not too proud of it, but I'm over it.

**At which point Barbie playing became a coded game with my other awkward prepubescent friend KM, "Do you want to hang out in my basement" really meant, "Hey, do you want to make all of our Barbies sex up the only two Ken dolls we own?"  The coded system was abandoned in grade 9 when we both finally reached puberty.  I should probably give FR some credit for her fashionable eye because my slouchy socks did look ridiculous. 

***Although I might share them with KM over a glass of wine and some Barbies.