There Goes My Gun

My fortnight of poor quality standards testing and sub par craftsmanship continues.  Last week I purchased a glue gun from Walmart for $2.62 for some crafts I've been working on.  The price of the product was so low that I laughed when I opened the packaging to discover that I could send away for a two year warranty.  It would cost $1.10 in postage to mail that warranty, that's almost half the cost of a new gun.  My 15 pack of miniature glue sticks are more expensive than the actual gun, so I should have known that something was up.  At this basement bargain price the glue gun was almost disposable.  Unfortunately for me it actually was.  It jammed and stopped working after only one use.

"Good, Bad, I'm the guy with the (glue) gun." -Ash, Army of Darkness

Picture via wikipedia

Chris then kindly implied that I have a history of glue gun related incidents* and that perhaps the broken product had something to do with my blatant disregard for gun maintenance.   Harumph!

I followed the instructions to plug in the glue gun, put in the glue stick and wait 3-5 minutes before I began my project and I unplugged it when I was done, but maybe I left the extension cord out overnight.   Maybe the next morning Jack thought that it would be a great idea to fashion a noose out of the cord and attempt to lasso his sister around her neck, but this carelessness wouldn't impact the performance of of my glue gun, but instead my performance as a parent.

I Googled the appropriate way to clean your glue gun and got a very specific and detailed answer that in no way represents how I ever will care for my glue gun (let it cool down with glue stick in chamber and then throw it into a craft drawer):

Remove the partially-used glue stick from the chamber so that it does not melt in the cabinet. Wrap the electrical cable in a figure eight pattern and hold it in place with a rubber band to prevent tangles and damage to the cable. Read more on Glue Gun Maintenance

Yesterday I went back into Walmart to buy a replacement.  As I stood in the craft section I debated whether or not I wanted to purchase the next level up glue gun at around $10.00.  Ten bucks will buy me three replacement glue guns.  So I returned home with brand new, shiny $2.92 glue gun** and read the instructions very carefully.  I confirmed that my usage of glue gun numero uno was up to code, unfortunately I also found the following warning:

WARNING: The power cord on this product contains lead, a chemical known to the State of California to cause birth defects or other reproductive harm.  Wash hands after handling.

Thank goodness my birth control pills are working...wait a minute, no they aren't.  Thank goodness this warning only applies to people who only live in the State of California....

Not only is my cheap glue gun only available in feminine hygiene pink, it's also going to make me crazy, harm my unborn children and assault my lady bits.


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*I have two scars: C-section and glue gun.  I burned the top of my left wrist quite badly with a glue gun when I worked a summer job at a factory piecing together broken Best Wishes and Hummel figurines for discounted sale.  The burn scar was almost gone until two months ago when I was carrying a bag from the liquor store home and fell on some black ice on my neighbour's sidewalk.  Not a single bottle was broken, but the top of my wrist was cut up from taking the brunt of the fall.  Thankfully the liquor was okay.
**That's right, the price went up by 30 cents in the past week,  Roll back prices my a$$!