Thursday, 3 April 2014

Don't Let It Break Your Heart

You know that girl that you didn't like in high school but you couldn't quite figure out why?  The one who you creep on Facebook and are secretly happy that got fat, divorced, peaked in high school (fill in the blanks here).  Hollywood has oodles of examples of these people we love to hate.  There is something about being famous that comes along with the big pay cheque...people will be really vocal about what they think and not take your feelings into consideration.  I sometimes feel bad when I come across sites that feature shots of celebrities reading negative Tweets about themselves, but I feel a little less bad when already very well off people leverage their celebrity to make even more money.

I don't know if you've been online lately, but if you have you'll know that everyone is hating on Gwyneth Paltrow again since the announcement of her "conscious uncoupling".  My favourite commentary so far was with respect to Chris Martin's first actions as a free man, "I'll be at the pub having a beer and my first cheeseburger in years. I'm having an orgasm right now just thinking about it." courtesy of Jen at People I Want to Punch in the Throat

why we all love to hate Gwyneth Paltrow
Image Courtesy of Wikipedia

Here's my breakdown on Gwynnie where I explore why we all love to hate her so much, and 9 reasons why we may be able to love her again some day.

11 Reasons Why We Love to Hate Gwyneth Paltrow:
  1. She villainizes food in her book It's All Good with recipes for clean living meals that come at a hefty price tag. She recommends you do crazy stuff like put your turkey meatballs in broccoli sauce.  (I think I just threw up in my mouth a little bit)
  2. She boasts about how she allows herself to indulge in one cigarette a week on Saturday nights - you party hard girl!
  3. She dates, gets engaged to and breaks up with all of the best guys.  First 1990s heartthrob Brad Pitt and then sensitively attractive rock star Chris Martin.
  4. She comes from money (producer dad, actor mom) so there is no rags to riches story here to endear us to her because life was so hard.  
  5. No wait a minute, her life is really hard.   She's alienated a lot of supporters into Gwyneth hatred because of her commentary on how it's harder to be an actor parent than it is to be a regular working Joe with an office job.
  6. She went to a private all girls school, because of course she did!
  7. She runs a site (Goop) that boasts "sharing all of life's positives" which apparently means recipes alongside expensive clothes that most people can't afford.  You mean I can buy a white blazer with no sleeves for the low price of $595.00, but wait I can't afford it because of all the hippy food I just bought on your diet you skinny B!
  8.  She says she wants privacy during her divorce in a pretentious statement on her website about the end of her marriage, labelling it "conscious uncoupling". 
  9. She signs the above mentioned statement "LOVE Gwyneth and Chris" - more throw up.
  10. She gives her children names that won't make their lives any easier: I can deal with Moses , but Apple - come on!
  11.  Gwyneth thinks that working parents should always have time to cook a proper meal and says she'd, "rather die than let my kid eat Cup-a-Soup." I wonder what she'd say if she saw the meal of Kraft Dinner and cut up chicken wieners we feed Molly and Jack whenever we're low on groceries. Murder suicide? Does it make it better or worse that they come with a side of non organic cucumbers?

Now before you go and put Gwynnie's head in a box in some sort of tribute to Seven, here are a few reasons why you may want to put your pitch forks down in favour of some popcorn (although I'm not sure if that's allowed in the It's All Good cleanse.)

Here are 9 Reasons Why Gwyneth Paltrow is Awesome:

  1. Shakespeare in Love
  2. She dumped Ben Affleck. No matter how many nice things Kevin Smith says about him, I can't get over how smarmy he is.
  3. Apparently, according to Rebecca Harrington's article, some of her recipes are pretty good (albeit expensive)
  4. The Royal Tennenbaums
  5. She's the love interest of Iron Man, how cool is that?
  6. Her honesty surrounding her struggle with postpartum depression.
  7. Estée Lauder donates a minimum of $500,000 of sales of items from the 'Pleasures Gwyneth Paltrow' collection to breast cancer research, that's pretty awesome. 
  8. Emma - her portrayal of one of my top 50 favourite books is amazing!
  9. Shallow Hal - I don't know what it is, but this is one of the movies that if it's on TV I have to watch it. 
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