Things My Kids Say As Posted On Twitter

Right now I feel we could all use a laugh. Sometimes my kids are funny. So I'm going to share this roundup and snippets of recent conversations I've had with M&J as shared on Twitter.

"Please keep that gemstone out of your breakfast. You're going to choke." and other fun moments in parenting

Reason 127 my kids are fighting today M: We're playing superheroes and he keeps saying his power is vomiting acid and he's killed me three times in a row and it isn't fair. 

J: Why can't I draw myself with a moustache for my self portrait for French class? Me: Because you don't have a moustache. J: You mean I don't have a moustache yet.

J: Clifford the dog is ridiculous. I just don't get it, I've never seen a bright red dog in real life. Me: That's your problem? J: Yes, and the whole lack of explanation about why he's a giant. #kidsbooks

J: Who are the bad guys in Sharknado? Me: Umm the sharks. J: But that's so unrealistic, sharks barely hurt anyone in real life. (The boy clearly hasn't seen Ian Ziering chainsaw a shark in half midair yet)

Feeling old. It turns out all this time when I mentioned the 90s M thought I was talking about the 1890's. #parenting

J: There's some guy on our porch. Me: That's postal delivery. J: Aww man. I was hoping he'd have pizza.

M: Aren't there five seasons? Autumn, winter, spring, summer & gelato?

Watching Garfield Halloween special. M: I really enjoy Garfield, but something about John just makes me feel so sad.

M: Remember when you made fun of me for putting bacon in my pocket as a snack for later? Me: Yeah. M: You were wrong. No wild dogs chased me. (She sure showed me).