Everything Coming up Milhouse

For as long as my children have had age related milestones to reach, check-in meetings have always stressed me out.  Being twins, who arrived a little early (but not all that early), and having been born in the latter half of the year, they've been held to the same academic standards of kids who are six to eight months older than them,more often than not they are falling behind when it comes to what they 'should' be able to do by standardized milestones and testing.

Whenever I hear other parents complaining that the teacher didn't give them enough difference between what 'Good' and 'Excellent' means on a report card, or various other things about their child's intense academic prowess it fills me with a silent rage.  It's not like my kids aren't working hard, it's just they aren't there yet.  I mean I'm happy your kid is 'excellent', but maybe, just maybe other parents aren't appreciating your not so humble brag.

Image Courtesy of Kat Leroux

Neither kid was fast to walk (both were around 18 months).  We never thought that Jack would talk, but thanks to amazing care from their pre-school, speech therapy, and a lot of effort on his part, I can't imagine a time when he wasn't talking our ears off, despite being quite the introvert at school.

The minions have both been working hard with a tutor since April, and even worked twice a week through most of their summer.

Earlier this month when report cards came out I felt that old familiar feeling in the pit of my stomach.  As I tore open the report cards and read, I couldn't believe it.  All of a sudden things were clicking, both reports were filled with Satisfactory, Good, and even some Excellent.  There are still a couple of areas to work on, but this was by far the best report either child had received. I wanted to cry I was so happy, and at the same time I was in disbelief, with some irrational fear that the other shoe was going to fall when we attended the parent-teacher conference, but they were unfounded.  There were no surprises, just strategies we could work on together, and suddenly I felt some of this weight, some of this guilt that our kids just weren't keeping up lift.

A few nights ago when Jack read me his take home book, complete with inflection, voices, whispers, and emotion, I couldn't believe it.  It serves as a reminder that time passes, our kids reach their milestones on their own schedule, not one that was standardized. The next time I find myself getting stressed out about things they aren't or can't do yet.  I'm going to think about reading with Jack, or playing math games with Molly as she adds up her Sushi Go points, cause that's my Good and Excellent happy kids who love school and are learning, with or without academic excellence.

Push - Report Cards & Parent Teacher Meetings

Last week was report card and parent teacher meeting week.  There weren't too many surprises to us sandwiched in the reports and the meetings, but something did strike me this week.  In talking to other parents around the school yard there is one thing that all of us seem to have in common: the way we try to push our children to be better.

Maybe it's a part of the parental instinct, but it doesn't seem to matter if someone's child is at the top of their class, or just struggling to make it through - everyone I spoke to mentioned nudging their child in a particular direction, academic success.

For the most part this is great.  Who doesn't need a whole cheering section that is hoping for the best for them?  Other times I think about how exhausting it is, for both us and the minions.  Some nights I don't want to practice counting, adding, subtracting, sounding out words, or working on building fine motor skill, and they're only in grade one.  Sometimes  I just want to cuddle my kids and watch cartoons. I want to have tickle fights.  I want to bake cookies together.  I want to make fart noises just so I can hear them giggle.  I can only imagine how 'over' the practicing they are some days.

Molly and dad at Pioneer Village together last weekend

Listening to all of the glowing things the teachers had to say about what sweet, kind, happy and compassionate children I have, it made me take a breath to think about how much more important this is compared to academics.

We spend so much time trying to catch up, trying to push for the next milestone that there's always something that we're reaching for - and it's frustrating. No matter what we do, it seems they don't reach that next goal until they're ready...and when we push too hard it isn't fun for absolutely anyone.  Sure the extra time together practicing helps, but sometimes we need to take our foot off the gas pedal.

I think about the age of my children, born twins in the last third of the year, being held to the exact same academic standards as someone who was born in January, so essentially someone who has 10 percent more "life" experience and "wisdom" as my kids, and how much difference eight months makes in what they can and cannot do at six years old.  This makes me realize that it's time to calm the eff down. They'll get there, eventually, and if not we'll be there beside helping them, hopefully  holding their hands more often than we are pushing them from behind.

Hey parents and adults everywhere: Try to remember to enjoy the journey just as much as the destination....I know I need the reminder more frequently than I'd like to admit.

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