Time is on my Side

A ways back I attended a professional mentoring event.  I had a great conversation with a seasoned mentor about the question he has been asked most by his proteges.  The topic that came up again and again was work/life balance.  His answer: "There is no work-life balance." I was confused, then he continued, "There are priorities and you need to make choices about what your priorities are, period."

It's some of the best advice I've ever heard.  When I had nothing but free time I accomplished very little because time (and motivation) was not an issue.  Projects came, projects went and time flew by and the only thing I had to show for it were computer disks* full of half finished projects.  I went to school and took courses in play writing, sitcom writing and journalism.  I started things, but nothing ever stuck.

For regular readers you know that I have a major "thing" for Douglas Coupland, in fact some may think he's Molly's Father.  This is one of my favourite quotes from him, " “By the age of twenty, you know you're not going to be a rock star. By twenty-five, you know you're not going to be a dentist or any kind of professional. And by thirty, darkness starts moving in- you wonder if you're ever going to be fulfilled, let alone wealthy and successful. By thirty-five, you know, basically, what you're going to be doing for the rest of your life, and you become resigned to your fate..."

When I turned 30 I feel as if my creative side met my practical side and I kicked myself into gear.  I wrote my first novel and I sent it out to nearly 100 publishers. I received a lot of rejection letters on my self-addressed stamped envelopes, a lot of non-replies and I even had a couple of bites that never made it to fruition, but I was doing it!

After I got pregnant with spontaneous twins I thought that I would chronicle my pregnancy, but I was so sick that I couldn't manage anything.  After Molly and Jack were born I tried my hand at fiction again, working on my second novel, but my heart wasn't in it any more, so at six weeks into my life as a mom I began writing Multiple Momstrosity. Parenthood has a bad rap. I was always told about all of the things that I wouldn't or couldn't do after I became a mom; about the restrictions, the time and the endless responsibility.  This has become my passion project, a priority and my twisted love letter to my children.


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*Yeah I said disks, I'm that old.
  

The Grand Optimist

I've noticed a shift in our parenting dynamic lately and it's not one that I expected.  It's the busiest time of year at work for Chris right now which means lots of work to take home, travel and in turn stress of monumental proportions.  He's trying to ride the tightrope of work/family balance and when we try to cram family fun time into one hour shifts and no down time paired with the fickle temperament of two toddlers it can be quite volatile.  Normally Chris is the cup half full half person in our dynamic duo, but lately I've found him on the other end of the spectrum while I try to overcompensate, poorly, left holding the empty glass so to speak.

With limited family time for Chris patience is lesser, expectations are higher and disappointment levels are brutal.  If I had the puppet mastery skills to make the minions behave on command I'd use it but sadly I don't.*  Play time with dad goes south when Molly gets jealous when she feels Jack is getting more attention than she is, then there are tears when Jack bites dad** and gets a time out and then dad feels bad because his quality time has become disciplinarian time.  I get burnt out and annoyed from the extra solo parenting/household running time I have with the kids when Chris is out of town and he's envious of all of the "fun" I'm having with the kids when he's not there.***

The stress of it all really hit home this weekend when we went out with a friend and the minions this weekend to the batting cages (bad pun intended).  The plan was simple 1-2 people would take a turn in the cages while the other person(s) played with the minions behind closed fences (at a safe distance) and then switch until we used up all of our batting cage tokens.  Molly was a dream and absolutely enamoured with the batting cages and was thrilled yelling "Baseball!" whenever mom or dad was up to bat.  Jack on the other hand wanted to explore the gravel roadways behind us, jump under passing cars and golf carts and generally cause mischief as two year olds are prone to do.  Almost an hour later all three adults had managed 16 combined rounds at the plate without a major meltdown from either child.

Trying on the helmet

As we packed up to head home Chris commented, "Well I wouldn't call that a success.  That was a lot of work."  Our friend and I assured Chris that it was in fact a win and well worth our efforts.  With lesser "play time" Chris is building up events in his head and then getting disappointed when they fail to meet expectations.  Meanwhile I'm trying to remain the positive cheerleader, a role that I'm fairly sure no one is buying into me playing. Batting cages with two year olds, no one is concussed, crying and everyone got a turn at bat? Win.  In fact I'm already planning our next trip out for later this summer.

Miss Molly watching "BASEBALL"

 

Any tips on toddler whispering, including how to handle the extra acting up for dad when I know we'll have added boundary pushing with his return from his next stint away? 

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*But if you know a toddler whisperer for hire, please let me know.
**For the fourth time that hour.
***As exhausting as it can get when I'm solo parenting I wouldn't want to change places here for a second.