Thursday, 22 March 2012

April Fools

Spring has come early this year and although the warm weather is wonderful it has caused some sort of butterfly effect of inappropriate shirtless men everywhere.  It is technically the middle of March and I have seen two shirtless men so far this season.  One was running in High Park and I can almost deal with that one.  It's the guy who was standing at the bus stop, shirtless wearing his tank top like a bolero* that I have a real beef with.  He obviously knew that he'd need to put his shirt back on before being allowed to take transit, however he just had to have his chest exposed in the ten minutes he stood their waiting for the Dupont bus.  Even more horrifying is that it wasn't even in this week's extra warm spell that I saw these two shirtless guys.  Jogging guy, although you are ridiculous, I appreciate your attempt to pull off a Matthew Mcconaughey workout, however I think to really work it you need to stop running and start doing push-ups, sit-ups and lunges every 500 meters or so.

This brings us to "The Aprils".  About 5 years ago on one of the first nice days of the year a group of friends were sitting on a patio drinking and enjoying the first signs of Spring.**  While we were sitting, drinking and people watching we noticed a trend that is a less intense version of Spring Shirtless Guy that we've, I think aptly, entitled "The Aprils".  This is when generally fit people still have their hibernation weight on them, but are so excited about the warm weather that they grab some clothing that they wore at the end of the Summer when they were likely at least 10-15 pounds svelter and much less pasty.  The most interesting thing about "The Aprils" is that people are so excited to be out in the nice weather that they don't care about their ill fitting clothes.***

As Spring progresses "The Aprils" gradually fade.  After a long Winter they can go into May and sometimes the beginning of June, but they slowly melt away.  The thing about a post pregnancy body is that it's like having "The Aprils" focused on your lower belly that just won't quit.  You can lose weight and even get down to your pre-pregnancy weight, you can eat salad, you can walk that stroller until your feet fall off, nothing perhaps short of running around the park with shirtless guy will cure that as far as I've experienced, and most new mom's don't have the time to chase after a shirtless guy in the park.  I keep on saying that I'm going to do crunches on the floor at night in front of TV, but I'll do it once, be sore for a day and then forget about it for two weeks and so far that tough regime is getting me nowhere.

My constant case of "The Aprils" is why I am restarting an old love affair.    Tae Bo.  That's right, Billy Blanks is back in my life, twice a week, with his positive Christian encouragement and requests for me to blast my abs.  When we bought our house almost 4 years ago I dumped Billy for my treadmill, but I couldn't bring myself to throw out my 16 Tae Bo DVDS**** and now I'm glad he's back. I'm ready to, "put on my power 24/7", okay maybe just for 40 minutes twice a week in addition to my stroller walks and hiking, but just the same who could resist this charming man, and who else says stuff like that?  Until May***** I'll be the one sitting at the patio judging others, behind my table and wearing a real bolero.

*A bolero is a cropped, cardigan-like garment with short or long sleeves.  A shrug covers less of a body than a vest would, but is more tailored than a shawl.  Shrugs are typically work over a tank top or shirt and not as a replacement for a shirt.
**This is a Canadian right of passage.  It's in almost every beer commercial.
***Says the judgmental people sitting on a patio drinking beer.  You know what a flattering look is, sitting, behind a table, yeah that's right there's nothing but rock hard abs under this patio table, just don't ask us to stand up.
****My obsession was a little bit unhealthy.
*****More likely June.


  1. You know, I've spent my life up until now thinking a bolero was that still south-western string tie thing. My world has changed.

    On the plus side, it's also an SUV made in India. So there's that.

    1. I think it's a style, perhaps you could wear a bolero tie with a bolero jacket, like a bull fighter.