Monday, 13 January 2014

Whiskey in the Jar

Chris and I have attempted to maintain "a life" after kids.  This means hiring a babysitter on a regular basis, but that can get expensive really fast and when you're working full time it takes away from time you want to spend with your kids.  Chris and I often take the children out in pursuit of having domesticated children who understand that activities aren't always all about them and hoping that they act a little less like Neanderthals each time they are in public.  Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.

Enjoying a day out at Safeco Field with the minions

After a recent afternoon outing to a local McPub* with the minions that ended in me walking home in Coors Light soaked jeans, I was reminded how much going out with children can be like college days drinking. Sometimes memories of your youthful nights from your early twenties can be eerily similar to going out "partying"** with your kids:

You pick a bar based on...
1) who has the cheapest drink specials and double fist beer on "last call for cheap alcohol".
2) who has the cheapest drink specials and who can bring the bill quickly and double fist when a toddler meltdown imminently occurs.

You have one drink...
1) too many and accidentally knock over someone's pint on the way to the washroom.
2) which you get half a sip out of before your child knocks it over in your lap while they attempt to steal a chicken finger off your plate.

You go home...
1) after last call, as they're locking the doors.
2) after lunch, because it's nap time.

The evening ends in tears when...
1) your friend who's been mainlining Irish Car Bombs drops their cell phone in the toilet.
2) your toddler accidentally drops your new cell phone in the toilet.

You can't get admission into the beer garden because...
1) the bouncer suspects you've already had enough, no matter how much you try to convince him otherwise.
2) the toddler strapped to your chest is nearly three and the bouncer doesn't care how much you "need this night out.``

You cut your hand on a broken glass...
1) after a roughhousing patron knocks a pint glass out of your hand and you attempt to help the waitress clean up the mess.
2) when you break up a fight over crayons and activity sheets.

You can't go back to that bar...
1) because you got banned after you threw up everywhere.
2) you're too embarrassed to go back after your toddler threw up everywhere.

  I was nominated for VoiceBoks Top 50 Hilariously Funny Parent Bloggers - If you can please take the time to vote for my blog Just click and vote for me (Multiple Momstrosity)

*A McPub is a chain or franchise bar and restaurant, representing the Starbucksification of bars.
**Partying like a parent can mean eating chicken wings and having a pint at noon.

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