A Very Merry Unbirthday - Parents Issue Notice of Eviction

We’ve all heard the inspirational expressions and credos about how parenting is one of the most challenging, yet rewarding jobs that a person can ever have.  You’re faced with sleepless nights, colic, the terrible twos, 5AM driving shifts to hockey practices and the amazing little fact that we’ve manufactured an extra few years of adolescence through the invention of a marketing category of “Tweens”, because teenagers don’t hate their parents enough, we really needed an extra couple of years of that infamous teenage attitude and eye rolling, don’t we?

On top of the physical, emotional and spiritual toll that parenting takes, there’s also the epic financial suck that we endure in raising our offspring.  Seriously, I never realized how expensive children were until I started pricing daycare facilities.  A few months ago, when it came time to renew our mortgage, my husband and I came to the realization that, if we remained on schedule, our house would be paid off as we sent our twins off to college, one mortgage replaced by another epic expense.  The irony is delicious, isn’t it?

At this point in my life, raising four year olds, I continue to spout positive, semi martyr filled affirmations about how motherhood has made me a better person and improved my life.  I also recognize that I may not feel this way if I was expected to perform these same “duties” 16 years from now.  At present, I am blissfully unaware as to the realities are of having a grown man-cub skulking around the house.

Image courtesy of Pinterest

Would I gift my child “A Very Merry Unbirthday” present, care of a coldly cleverly executed 20^th Birthday Notice of Expiration of Child-Rearing Services like Yusa Hasegawa’s parents did?  Maybe – it depends on how I was feeling about the current living situation and my appreciation levels of my student son.  Would I double his newly enforced rental rates when I realized that he used social media to publicly shame his parents because they were sick of his slacker bull$%t?  Likely. 

Apparently the note was all tongue and cheek and mom and dad sent it as a joke, cause who doesn’t love a good birthday roast from their parents about how they’re failing at adulting?

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We Are Family

This past week as I voraciously read The Hunger Games*, I began to think about tradition.  There are so many traditions from my own childhood, Chris's childhood and the ones that I have coveted from my friends (both literary and actual) that I want us to give to Molly and Jack.  I am well aware that they are still far too young to enjoy many of these, however, as a huge fan of lists this is one of the first steps to preparing us for the years to come.

A Very Merry Unbirthday To You!

I have wanted an unbirthday of my very own since I first found out about its existence.  Once I had the twins the importance of the unbirthday has grown by at least 10/6**.  Molly and Jack will share their birthdays forever.  We want to give them each a day of their own that they don't have to share with anyone else.  Every year they will each get to pick one unbirthday where they get to do an activity of their choosing and get an unbirthday cake.  There are no presents on an unbirthday - because it isn't anyone's birthday, just a special day to celebrate that particular person. 

The Magic Movie Ticket

When I was 12 or 13 one of the few activities I was permitted to do without parental supervision was to go to a movie with a few friends.  We would go to the mall food court for supper and then walk across the street to where we would spend our allowance on $4.25 cheap Tuesday movie tickets, all of us except for my friend Helen.  Helen's parents would pay for any movie ticket for her as long as she had read the book first.  Sometimes the entire family would read the book, go to the movie and then have dinner together afterwards discussing all of it - a familial book club of sorts, other times she'd be permitted to go with her friends.

Vacation from Cereal
As a child there were certain cereals that were off limits because they were unhealthy.*** This rule was abolished every summer when for two weeks we'd head up North and were able to eat from those mini boxes of sample cereals with all three of us fighting over the beloved Frosted Flakes, Corn Pops and Fruit Loops.  Unfortunately by the fifth day there was nothing left but Bran Flakes, but even they tasted better coming out of miniature boxes.

We all Scream for the Last Day of School!

My friend's father hated school growing up, so every year on the last day of classes he'd take his kids out to celebrate - with unlimited ice cream treats from the local Dairy Queen.  The only rule was that they had to finish the one ice cream before they were permitted to order another.  I immediately pictured disastrous ramifications with sick, lactose intolerant children clutching their little bellies in pain.  My friend assured me that no one ever ordered more than three ice creams and that her father always "pitched in" in the end to help them finish their tasty treats.

Plan Your Own Vacation
Whenever we went on vacation my mom would research all of the wonderful things available to do at our destination .  Each family member was able to choose one activity per vacation that we'd all do together, whether it was eat at a specific restaurant, go to a theme park, horseback riding or climbing a waterfall, the choice was our own.  It gave us all something to look forward to and was incentive to behave ourselves when away from home.  This also gave us fodder to make fun of whoever's activity was a bust.*****

I know some of these traditions will blow up in our faces, like when we try to hold a family book club with a pair of eye rolling 15 year olds or when we're cleaning up ice cream vomit from the backseat of the car, however by implementing these activities we celebrate family togetherness, personal achievements, moderate indulgences and what it means to be a part of our offbeat little clan. 

*I make it a personal rule to try to read the book before seeing the movie, enabling me to always have my own version of the characters in a story before I see someone else's interpretation.  AND If you haven't already read this book - READ THIS BOOK!
**A little shout out to my fellow Alice in Wonderland fans!
***This is one of the many reasons, aside from being poor, that I existed mainly on Count Chockula and Eggo Waffles when I first moved out on my own in my early twenties.
****Erika, you know I'm talking about you.