There's a Hole in my Bucket

When I was about eight years old my aunt S. gave me a giant round Pelican Soap as a part of my birthday gift.  It was bright green and glorious....I left it in the bathroom, but never used it in the bath as I didn't want to ruin the shape and lines of my soapy little bird.  I kept it there for months, often admiring it while I used the facilities.   One day, several months later, our toilet backed up and we couldn't figure out why.  My parents tried the plunger, with no luck.  They asked us if we'd flushed anything that might have caused the damage.  Eventually my brother admitted that he had thrown my Pelican Soap into the toilet and flushed, until it got stuck.  My dad had to dismantle the toilet and sure enough he found my urine soaked bird...who had lost a lot of his shape, charm and luster.  When asked why he flushed the bird he simply responded, "I wanted to see what would happen."

Jack has only been given clearance as "potty trained" for a few months now.  To encourage independence we have a step stool that will allow the minions to use the washroom on their own.  Last week Jack was upstairs using the washroom and called up for me because his socks were wet and he was upset.  He had urinated all over the floor and on his socks directly in front of the toilet.  As I begrudgingly cleaned up the floor I asked him if he had missed.  He shook his head no.  I asked him why he chose to pee all over the floor directly in front of the toilet.  He responded quite simply, "I wanted to see what would happen."  I instructed him that all human waste should go inside the toilet and believed that he understood.  Boy was I wrong.

A few days later young Master Jack was upstairs in the bathroom.  I had determined that it would probably be best to keep a closer eye on his bathroom activities, so I was upstairs as well folding laundry.  As I walked by the bathroom I saw Jack standing, with his pants around his ankles, over a hole in the floor where the air vent cover is normally situated, preparing to urinate.
Me: "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"
Jack: "Going potty."
"WE GO POTTY IN THE TOILET!" I yelled as I turned him around to face the toilet.
He proceeded to pee into the toilet.
"Why were you trying to pee into the floor vent?" I asked, exasperated.
"I wanted to see what would happen!"
"OUR ENTIRE HOUSE WOULD SMELL LIKE PEE.  IT WOULD BE HORRIBLE.  PLEASE DON'T PEE ANYWHERE BUT THE TOILET."

The time Jack wanted to see "what would happen" if he climbed into a cat carrier.

Later that night Chris chastised me for being so hard on the boy child.  He told me that Jack is newly potty trained, he was exploring things and I need to be more patient.  Then he told me a story of when he was in kindergarten and decided one week that it would be "neat" to collect his own urine in a plastic garbage can in the rarely used downstairs bathroom at his parent's house.  After several days of adding to his collection of "liquid gold" he invited a friend over and brought him downstairs to show him what he'd been up to.  His friend was horrified and immediately told Chris's mum about the garbage can full of pee.  His mother immediately disposed of and I'm guessing she monitored his bathroom activities for a few weeks. When I asked Chris what he learned from this exercise he simply replied, "that his friend was a snitch and not to trust him with secrets".  Not exactly the moral of the story I was looking for, but I suppose. Maybe this is a boy thing, I don't believe I ever peed on or in anything but my diaper, pants or the toilet.

That being said, both minions have been given a lecture that includes, if ever you want to try something to see "What would happen", just ask us and we'll tell you, we promise and please...please...please stop trying to make our house smell like pee.

The big question here is, what's more important...child independence or toilet locks?  If anyone gives either of my children giant novelty soaps I assure you they will be kept under lock and key.

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