Release - Fall reflections

Molly has taken to performing impressions of me.  They mostly involve me talking about how lovely a cup of coffee is, followed by my inhaling dramatically, and acting like this cup of coffee is made out of magic - which I'd argue some cups are.  It's always interesting to see yourself through the eyes of others, particularly your children.  Apparently I'm highly caffeinated in Molly's world.

I've been fortunate enough this month to get away from the family, not once, but twice.  As I've spent my 'girls time' doing stereotypical things that moms in their late thirties do (ooo and ahhh about coffee, go to spas, eat off of cheese boards, and drink wine, all while commiserating about middle age and parenthood), something clicked.  Maybe it's the age of my kids, cause let's face it twins at six are very different than twins at three or even four, maybe it's me getting better at knowing myself, but I think I've gotten better at carving out some me time, and know it makes me a better mom.  I also know that when Chris is left solo the kids are less likely to be hot mess time bombs of exploding diapers compared with just a few short years ago, not that he couldn't manage.

The little black cat who crossed my path on an autumn walk

On Saturday, as I lay in a hammock watching the fall leaves drop onto the ground all around me, I couldn't help but feel incredibly thankful and grateful for being able to plan get aways with friends like this, but also for the smaller moments that literally belong on a coffee commercial.  Moments big and small can be about rest and recovery, and I'm beginning to realize that instead of feeling guilty because I'm spending too much time looking at my phone or working on my laptop when the kids are around, that sometimes this fatigue is telling me that I need a time out from everything in order to be a better parent.

Yesterday I came home happy to take my kids for an autumn walk at their pace, not mine, and to play a game of Go Fish with Molly even though the dishwasher never got loaded.  The next time I feel myself losing my patience, instead of feeling guilty and pushing through grumpily I may just need to send myself to timeout with a good cup of coffee or for a nice long run.  I'm fairly certain either way I've just described my zen as a Tampax commercial.

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