Once Bitten Twice Shy

Last week daycare had to have "the talk" with us.  We were on the other side (the bad parent side..womp, womp) of those infamous incident reports because the boy has been biting, and pinching, and hitting, and clawing his classmates.  We asked for suggestions, and were told 1) Talk to him about it and explain why it's probably not the best idea to play slap face, bite face, or fingernail face with other children and 2) redirection.  At home he gets a three to four minute shift in the penalty box for unnecessary roughness along with a stern lecture- at daycare they don't play by hockey rules, apparently.  They also said that there isn't much you can do at this age because he's still so young that he doesn't fully understand.

This weekend he bit his oldest cousin.  Yesterday morning at daycare drop off he ran into the playhouse and immediately smacked a little girl right in the face.  Her older sister yelled, "Don't hit my sister!" and belted him back.  It was glorious.  Chris and I not so secretly cheered her on, because we're big fans of playground vigilante justice.  Then at pick-up last night  I found out that he bit and scratched his ECE worker.*  They asked me to trim his nails.  I'm beginning to feel like a giant A-hole every time I drop off and pick-up the minions.  I'm scanning the room to investigate whether or not Cujo has attacked that day and caging bets on who his next victim will be.**

Cujo Sr. & Jr. Together Again

When I was a child my brother was a biter.  He would sink his teeth into my sister and I like we were a steak dinner.  Being ten and five we knew that you shouldn't bite your little brother, even when he was being an ankle biting jerk.  Family legend has it that one afternoon my mother was talking to a friend about the problems she was having with my brother Cujo Sr. and the friend explained how her children had stopped their younger sibling from biting by taking an arm each and biting back the biter back really hard to "Learn Em, Real Good".***  Apparently that kid stopped biting.  So, my sister and I took notes that day and the next time our little brother bit us we rolled up his sleeves and bit him as hard as we could.  My mother discovered this tooth mark surprise at the doctor the following day while Cujo Sr. was getting his shots.

I am a little embarrassed to admit that I have tried biting him back (lightly) and saying, "See it hurts".  Unfortunately he thinks it's hysterical and I'm not willing to take the game to the next level.  Molly isn't old enough to do the job for me, so I've written a job ad for what I need.

Does anyone know any four-five year olds, who take instruction well who will want to bite my son and teach him an important lesson, preferably without scarring him for life (physically and emotionally)?****  Alternately I could employ my brother for a whole cycle of life themed lesson regimen.  Maybe I can further entice him if I play The Circle of Life on loop while he's babysitting.

Want Multiple Momstrosity updates on Facebook click here?

*Way to directly bite the hand that feeds you buddy.
**Likely whoever is playing with the train set.
***I am fairly certain that none of my mother's friends are Larry the Cable Guy, but I'm going to run with it.
****I fear that children under four won't take instruction well and those over five may be missing teeth which will rob Jack of the true biting experience.