Can't Touch This

Every once in a while I am forced to face the fact that I am partial to  a hippy life philosophy.*  I graduated from an alternative high school that has a manifesto, not a motto or a slogan.   I believe in activism, not slactivism, but I'm older now and am aware that sometimes my actions (or lack of actions) are a little further to the right than I'd like: I don't volunteer, but I donate, I don't protest, but I sign petitions, I own a car, but it's not a mini-van/SUV and I walk and ride public transit as my main forms of transportation. 

Quite literally the school sign.

I often joke about educating my children via the "school of hard knocks" and subscribe to a Darwinsm approach of learning in an attempt to avoid the whole helicopter/bubble wrapped toddler rearing experience.  We put up so many safe guards and barriers for our children in the hope of protecting them that we risk leaving them void of many important experiences, like human contact.  I come from a very warm, fuzzy, affectionate family.  I believe that cuddles and laughter are often the best medicine for a bruised knee or ego. 

Teachers are not allowed to touch their students any more, I get that. I don't entirely agree, but I understand.  What I don't get is this BC School that banned their kindergarten students from touching each other during recess in a "no-touch policy" that suggests reliance on "imagination games".  Are you kidding me?  Apparently they are going to gradually allow touching again, but for now it's off limits because of some violent play at school.  How about just teaching them about appropriate levels of contact?  Why doesn't the school help educate them along with their parents?  "Listen Billy, It's okay to hug your friend when they fall and scrape their knee because I can't hug them for fear of a lawsuit, but let's try to keep the games of Red Rover/British Bulldog** off of school property."

I have heard from a number of parents whose children haven't coped well in the transition from daycare/nanny/parental care to kindergarten.  Perhaps this comes from going from an environment with physical human contact to one where this is obsolete and forbidden.  Molly and Jack have started hugging each other, cuddling and patting each other on the back when the other needs comfort.  They also tickle each other and rough-house sometimes, but they're learning, because they're kids.  Kids need touch and comfort, just ask Harry Harlow and his terry cloth monkey.   

Red Rover, Red Rover, I call public educators over....I think you need some cuddles!

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*Just replace my tofu with medium rare steak, magic brownies with sauv blanc, patchouli incense with Bath and Body Works Three Wick Candles and organic cotton/bamboo toddler clothes with gently recycled items from anywhere legal that fit my children.
**When I was a kid we used to get in trouble for playing this ALL THE TIME, which made it that much more fun to play. Who doesn't want to sideline that cocky little jerk who whipped a basketball at your head during a game of foursquare in an act of playground vigilante justice?  Clearly I still have some unresolved issues.

Once Bitten Twice Shy

Last week daycare had to have "the talk" with us.  We were on the other side (the bad parent side..womp, womp) of those infamous incident reports because the boy has been biting, and pinching, and hitting, and clawing his classmates.  We asked for suggestions, and were told 1) Talk to him about it and explain why it's probably not the best idea to play slap face, bite face, or fingernail face with other children and 2) redirection.  At home he gets a three to four minute shift in the penalty box for unnecessary roughness along with a stern lecture- at daycare they don't play by hockey rules, apparently.  They also said that there isn't much you can do at this age because he's still so young that he doesn't fully understand.

This weekend he bit his oldest cousin.  Yesterday morning at daycare drop off he ran into the playhouse and immediately smacked a little girl right in the face.  Her older sister yelled, "Don't hit my sister!" and belted him back.  It was glorious.  Chris and I not so secretly cheered her on, because we're big fans of playground vigilante justice.  Then at pick-up last night  I found out that he bit and scratched his ECE worker.*  They asked me to trim his nails.  I'm beginning to feel like a giant A-hole every time I drop off and pick-up the minions.  I'm scanning the room to investigate whether or not Cujo has attacked that day and caging bets on who his next victim will be.**

Cujo Sr. & Jr. Together Again

When I was a child my brother was a biter.  He would sink his teeth into my sister and I like we were a steak dinner.  Being ten and five we knew that you shouldn't bite your little brother, even when he was being an ankle biting jerk.  Family legend has it that one afternoon my mother was talking to a friend about the problems she was having with my brother Cujo Sr. and the friend explained how her children had stopped their younger sibling from biting by taking an arm each and biting back the biter back really hard to "Learn Em, Real Good".***  Apparently that kid stopped biting.  So, my sister and I took notes that day and the next time our little brother bit us we rolled up his sleeves and bit him as hard as we could.  My mother discovered this tooth mark surprise at the doctor the following day while Cujo Sr. was getting his shots.

I am a little embarrassed to admit that I have tried biting him back (lightly) and saying, "See it hurts".  Unfortunately he thinks it's hysterical and I'm not willing to take the game to the next level.  Molly isn't old enough to do the job for me, so I've written a job ad for what I need.

Does anyone know any four-five year olds, who take instruction well who will want to bite my son and teach him an important lesson, preferably without scarring him for life (physically and emotionally)?****  Alternately I could employ my brother for a whole cycle of life themed lesson regimen.  Maybe I can further entice him if I play The Circle of Life on loop while he's babysitting.

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*Way to directly bite the hand that feeds you buddy.
**Likely whoever is playing with the train set.
***I am fairly certain that none of my mother's friends are Larry the Cable Guy, but I'm going to run with it.
****I fear that children under four won't take instruction well and those over five may be missing teeth which will rob Jack of the true biting experience.