Once Bitten Twice Shy

Last week daycare had to have "the talk" with us.  We were on the other side (the bad parent side..womp, womp) of those infamous incident reports because the boy has been biting, and pinching, and hitting, and clawing his classmates.  We asked for suggestions, and were told 1) Talk to him about it and explain why it's probably not the best idea to play slap face, bite face, or fingernail face with other children and 2) redirection.  At home he gets a three to four minute shift in the penalty box for unnecessary roughness along with a stern lecture- at daycare they don't play by hockey rules, apparently.  They also said that there isn't much you can do at this age because he's still so young that he doesn't fully understand.

This weekend he bit his oldest cousin.  Yesterday morning at daycare drop off he ran into the playhouse and immediately smacked a little girl right in the face.  Her older sister yelled, "Don't hit my sister!" and belted him back.  It was glorious.  Chris and I not so secretly cheered her on, because we're big fans of playground vigilante justice.  Then at pick-up last night  I found out that he bit and scratched his ECE worker.*  They asked me to trim his nails.  I'm beginning to feel like a giant A-hole every time I drop off and pick-up the minions.  I'm scanning the room to investigate whether or not Cujo has attacked that day and caging bets on who his next victim will be.**

Cujo Sr. & Jr. Together Again

When I was a child my brother was a biter.  He would sink his teeth into my sister and I like we were a steak dinner.  Being ten and five we knew that you shouldn't bite your little brother, even when he was being an ankle biting jerk.  Family legend has it that one afternoon my mother was talking to a friend about the problems she was having with my brother Cujo Sr. and the friend explained how her children had stopped their younger sibling from biting by taking an arm each and biting back the biter back really hard to "Learn Em, Real Good".***  Apparently that kid stopped biting.  So, my sister and I took notes that day and the next time our little brother bit us we rolled up his sleeves and bit him as hard as we could.  My mother discovered this tooth mark surprise at the doctor the following day while Cujo Sr. was getting his shots.

I am a little embarrassed to admit that I have tried biting him back (lightly) and saying, "See it hurts".  Unfortunately he thinks it's hysterical and I'm not willing to take the game to the next level.  Molly isn't old enough to do the job for me, so I've written a job ad for what I need.

Does anyone know any four-five year olds, who take instruction well who will want to bite my son and teach him an important lesson, preferably without scarring him for life (physically and emotionally)?****  Alternately I could employ my brother for a whole cycle of life themed lesson regimen.  Maybe I can further entice him if I play The Circle of Life on loop while he's babysitting.

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*Way to directly bite the hand that feeds you buddy.
**Likely whoever is playing with the train set.
***I am fairly certain that none of my mother's friends are Larry the Cable Guy, but I'm going to run with it.
****I fear that children under four won't take instruction well and those over five may be missing teeth which will rob Jack of the true biting experience.

Love Bites

We got our first warning at daycare the other day.  Apparently the boy child is biting.  I blame it on how hardcore we've been about stopping the slap fights between the minions the past few weeks.*   What choice did Jackie have? He is teething afterall.  Once we get the biting in check I'm certain we'll get news of his penchant for tackling other children or tickling them until they cry.  Molly will be more about mind games, emotional abuse** and mean girl spite.  She already has an army of two other giroddlers (girl toddlers) who do her bidding.

This is my son Jaws

Daycare isn't allowed to tell us who Jack bit, but we know it wasn't Molly.  That leaves eight other possibilities, and he bit the child in question on their face, so we've been keeping an eye out to see who has giant teeth marks on their cheek.  I tried asking Molly and Jack who Jack bit, but since either child can only pronounce one other kid's name in their class, added with the fact that Molly will say yes to almost any question you ask her*** our investigation has come to a standstill.

We asked our ECE worker what we could do to help curb our little Dracula and were told: redirection, explain why it's not appropriate to bite (as calmly as you can when Jack's fangs are embedded in your hand), take away the toy that your children are fighting over, time outs etc. etc....basically everything that we have been doing for the hitting repeated for this new other hella bad behaviour.  Jack loves a reaction and if you yell or cry he thinks it's funny.  I'm sure it's why Molly is generally his prime target.

I'm debating whether or not we should apologise to the parent if we manage to spot the victim.  What's the etiquette for baby cannibalism?  I don't think What to Expect - The Toddler Years will cover it.


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*It's been like watching that slap scene from Moonstruck on repeat but with significantly more crying.
**She makes me so proud (single tear rolls down cheek).
***Hopefully that stops by the time she reaches high school or Chris is going to have to follow her to school with a shot gun.