Wednesday, 25 April 2012

All the Single Ladies

Chris went to Burnaby, BC for a business trip this week leaving me to fly solo for 63 hours. It was a little weird being alone with the minions for such a long stretch without Chris for backup.  Below is the captain's log of my unsupervised parenting marathon.
Hour 2
While carrying both minions upstairs to the nursery to change their diapers I misjudged my space when entering the nursery and smacked Jack's head into the door.  He started to cry* so, I set Molly down on the play mat so I could comfort Jack.  Instantly they switched temperaments - Jack started giggling and Molly started hysterically crying.  Is this the beginning of pain transference and other Super Twin powers?
Hour 7
Chris called me to let me know that he arrived safely and that he had the good set of car keys with him in BC.  The good car keys are normal car keys.  They require no explanation.  The bad car keys (AKA my car keys this week) have a locking mechanism that is being held together with a piece of duct tape that works maybe 38% of the time.  Last year Chris, knowing very well how uncoordinated I am, threw me the keys from our porch onto the driveway, I missed and the locking mechanism smashed into many pieces....I'm so glad he can access the car readily from across the country while I have to shake the keys like maracas while pressing random buttons to get the car door open.
The weiner dog key chain, which is also a beer bottle opener serves as further evidence that these are in fact Chris's car keys and not mine.

Hour 14
Molly spit up all over her shirt, twice, then mine, twice.
Hour 26
Went over to visit a friend for tea.  Apparently Molly has developed daddy issues and spent the entire evening shamelessly flirting with my friend's husband.  She wanted nothing to do with my friend and I, ignoring us while she batted her eyelashes, giggled and jumped up and down on his lap.**
Hour 30
I couldn't sleep, but was too afraid to sit up and read the third book in the Hunger Game series, Mockingjay.  Tween fiction can be really scary and maybe the Capital really is watching.
Hour 38
90 seconds before our sitter L arrived Molly spit up all everywhere and rubbed it on my dress before I could stop her.  I smelled faintly of baby spit up at my meeting downtown. Molly 2, Mommy 0.
Hour 41
Had a Dufflet Mint Devil Cupcake for "lunch" before I headed back home to reality.  I would consider this a highlight.
Hour 42
Returned home to discover that Molly has been saying mamama and dadadada all day to our sitter L.  Felt a little cheated and sent Chris an email about our daughter the flirty traitor.
Hour 45
Was finally graced with  mamamama and dadadada from Molly, after her nap.
Hour 52
Poured myself a healthy sized glass of wine to celebrate finally getting the kids to bed.  Jack was so tired he actually stretched, smiled and sighed when I put him in his crib.
Hour 58
Woke up in the middle of the night to strange scary thumping noise.  Our 14 year old cat Pan followed me while I investigated, he thinks that he's a dog and is going to protect me.  The noise was Molly, kicking the foot board of her crib in her sleep.
Hour 62
Victorious!  Chris arrived home early and managed to crawl into bed with me for a two hour nap before the minions woke up.

I would like to extend a special thanks to my family and friends for helping me, offering extra support and for listening to me complain.  Although my log is not that different than any day parenthood it felt a lot more daunting handling it alone.  All of you single ladies and men raising kids, I don't know how you do it every day, you are truly amazing!

 *Which is unusual.  That Jack's head is made out of concrete or something equally hard.  He's constantly head butting me, his sister, his dad and he's never the one who ends up crying.
**I really want to make some sort of comment here about my daughter being a raging tramp, but feel that I can't because that little voice (Chris) is constantly reminding me that one day the minions will be able to read and they may not appreciate their mom's witty sense of humor.

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