Sunday, 23 June 2013

Material Girl

Last week I decided to make up a resume for Jack because it's never too soon to get your children working...How else are we going to raise ourselves a family of Culkins?  Here's Molly's:

Molly (AKA Molly Badali, Badali, Moll, Queen Molly, Miss Molly, Thing One)
Home Address: Storybook Themed Nursery, next to the loud guy
Phone Number: Baby Monitor held to ear - radio wave B.
  • Pointing accusingly (like the evil monkey on Family Guy)
  • Tantrum guru
  • Management skills: Have staff of two girl toddlers at daycare to "do" her bidding
  • Can say about 60 words enunciated well most of which involve bossing out orders 
  • Can say "No" with her entire body

Current Employment
Position: Toddler
18 months - Current
Responsibilities Include the following:
  • Showing everyone her belly button
  • Waving at strangers like she's on a red carpet (even if it's mid tantrum)
  • Jumping on the couch
  • Sitting on mom's lap
  • Sucking her thumb
  • Irrational attachment to flannel blankets AKA "gits"
  • Dancing
  • Tidying up by throwing random objects into the garbage
Previous Employment
Position: Infant
0 months - 18 months
Responsibilities Included the following:
  • Colic, oh lord the colic
  • Fear of men with moustaches
  • Screaming (can break baby monitors with a single scream)
  • German - when angry yelled "NEIN!"
  • Eating dirt, grass, sand

Honours & Awards
  •  Hair ripped from anyone's head, held up like a trophy
  • Stealing other people's shoes and trying them on
  • Colouring & Painting
  • Dishwasher door surfing
  • Eating raspberries
  • Pretending she is going to share food with you and then popping it into her mouth at the last second and laughing
  • Poking people in the eye while yelling "EAR!"
  • Drinking mom's cream soda
  • Attempting to drink mom's wine

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