Thursday, 20 June 2013

Working Man

Our son is a rough and tumble ball of hugs and wrestling.  If other children don't want to play with him or get a giant bear hug, he simply chases after them and hunts them down - like The Terminator.  He doesn't care whether or not the other children reject him, he just keeps going, if they shove him, he thinks it's funny and part of the game.

A few days ago at daycare he chased a group of children into the toy playhouse, holding up a piece of wooden play rail road track akin to a scene in a movie of where "the monster" chases down frightened villagers.  I commented that Jack could turn anything into a weapon with mad MacGyver skills and has great persistence which gave Chris the following idea,  "Sarabeth, why not you create some mock resumes for the babies."  Which is silly, but so am I, so here's Jack's:   

Jack (AKA Jackie Bear, Thing 2, Jack-Jack, or Jack-Noooooo!)
Home Address: StoryBook Themed Nursery
Phone Number: Thomas the Train Talking Phone that is stuck on 8*
  • Impressions of Nelson on The Simpsons (ha, ha)
  • Can turn anything into a weapon
  • Can lift up to 12 pounds and turn heavy object into blunt weapons
  • Can say about 30 words enunciated poorly most of which involve food
  • Throwing a ball and yelling (wooo) simultaneously

Current Employment                                                                           
Position: Toddler
18 months - Current
Responsibilities Include the following:
  • Making his sister furious
  • Banging objects together
  • Jumping on the couch
  • Chugging a bottle like it's a beer on a hot day
  • Climbing anything
  • Insatiable hunger
  • Irrational attachment to dad's contact lens case and plastic coins
  • Running on tip toes
Previous Employment                                                                        
Position: Infant
0 months - 18 months
Responsibilities Included the following:
  • Insatiable hunger
  • Illogical fear of the carbon monoxide alarm
  • Sleeping
  • Not smiling
  • Refusal to use legs in crawling

Honours & Awards
  •  Paintings on the fridge
  • Stealing and pushing buttons on channel changers
  • Throwing magnets at the fridge
  • Attempting to stick fingers and other objects into electrical outlets
  • Pulling cat's tail
  • Flicking on and off light switches
  • Dishwasher door surfing
  • Eating and smashing cookies
  • Eating and smearing Ice Cream

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