Saturday, 5 January 2019

Those Moments - When Spiderman Goes Wrong

We've been fortunate enough to avoid the hospital with the kids so far.   (This pause is me knocking on all of the wood).  There used to be a part of Jerry Seinfeld's comedy routine where he talked about the warning label on Superman Costumes instructing children that just because they were dressed up as Superman, it didn't mean that they could fly.  I believe he made fun of these children who were daft enough to believe that a polyester costume would give them the power of flight.  Clearly this routine was before he had children of his own.  I recall finding it hilarious, until this Christmas.

Back around Halloween, I managed to get my hands on a fantastic Spider-man Costume, gently used for only ten bucks.  I was thrilled.  Spider-man is currently Jack's all-time favourite super hero, so it was absolutely perfect and on Christmas morning he instantly put on his costume and started to pretend to be our own friendly neighbourhood Spider-man.

Spider-Man (In all his glory)

After the stockings, breakfast, and other presents, the kids went off to enjoy their new toys, while we entertained some guests and got ready for our annual tradition of Christmas bowling.  During some cheese, crackers, and grapes we heard a tremendous crash from upstairs and what slowly evolved into hysterical tears.

You see, Spider-man thought it would be an excellent idea to use his acrobatic prowess to open up the baby gate (which is meant to keep the dog out of the upstairs so he won't eat Lego and such) and swing from it with his nearly 50lbs of weight.  Clearly the gate couldn't hold Spider-man and both ended up flying down a flight of stairs, but his Spider senses couldn't predict this - despite mom and dad telling him literally dozens of times not to hang off of the gate because it was dangerous.

There were tears.  There was a tooth that went through the inside of his cheek (but not all the way through), there was a fat lip coming, and there was A LOT OF BLOOD.  He was scared.  We were terrified. He asked me if his heart was still beating.  We thought he'd clearly learned his lesson.  He was lucky nothing is broken and that we didn't spend Christmas at the hospital with broken bones or worse.

While others went out bowling, I spent the afternoon with young Jack.  We iced his lip, we read comic books, we watched videos, and we cuddled.  Soon he pulled out a sort of loose baby tooth that had become VERY loose in the fall.  He was excited that the tooth fairy was coming - and on Christmas none the less!  Later that day he declared that this was, "THE BEST CHRISTMAS EVER".

This is not the lesson we wanted learned - and this is clearly why there is a warning on Super Hero Costumes - sorry Jerry, it's clearly my kid's fault!

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