ASD & the Truth About Santa

Spoiler Alert this post is about the magic of Christmas, parental lies, and when it's time to come clean with your kids.

I am happy that my kids were gifted with many magical holiday seasons with Santa. While there is a movement of parents who never want to deceive their children about Santa, and I respect that (so long as you or your kids don't spoil the magic of believing for others), we've always been team Santa is magic. That chapter has ended, and now my kids are both entirely on board for helping make Christmas magic for little kids everywhere, particularly their little cousins.

The beginning of the end

Our son Jack was recently diagnosed with High Functioning Autism (HFA), level one autism, what used to be known as Aspergers. Since the confirmation of his diagnosis (something we have suspected for years) I have heightened my research on everything we can do to help Jack become as successful and happy as possible. 

There appears to be a consistent link between people on the autism spectrum and lying, specifically them not lying and having little patience for those who do. Jack is no different. He'll play practical jokes, but he won't lie and is not comfortable lying. When I say "I love you more." to him, he pulls a complete Han Solo and says, "I know." He also hates being lied to (I mean, who likes being lied to, but you know what I mean). When I read an article written by a woman with autism who describes finding out about Santa ending her faith in spirituality and God, I figured it was probably time to come clean with Jack.

When I was in grade six or seven, our teacher "gifted" us the job of responding to Santa letters from the kindergarten kids because it was the 1980s, Christmas was still a part of the public school experience each December. Because we were in middle school, our teacher assumed that we already knew the truth about the big S. This was how a sweet, only-child friend of mine found out the truth about Santa. She was disappointed and sad. I didn't want that for Jack, or worse have him be teased by other kids for being a believer.

My intel

One day, in early November, when Molly and I were out together, just the two of us, I asked her if she still believed. She looked like a deer caught in headlights. As soon as I assured her that the stockings and the present train wouldn't stop no matter what she said, she came clean. Apparently, she found an old letter she'd sent to the big S two years ago that had fallen behind Chris' dresser, confirming her suspicions. When I asked her if Jack knew, she said, "probably? We've never really talked about it."

Norad Image Courtesy of PBS

The big talk

About a week later, I pulled Molly aside and told her we were going to come clean to them both. As we made the big reveal, one thing was apparent: HE HAD NO CLUE. We gave him a few moments to process and told him it was okay to be mad at us. He was quiet for a few minutes and then had some very valid questions. What about the Norad Santa tracker on Christmas Eve? What about all the holiday movies where someone loses their sense of Christmas magic and is proven wrong? He told us he was a little annoyed at us but got it and that he'd eventually forgive us. He also told us that although he is happy that he heard the news from us, he wishes he had another year or two with the magic. 

SNL Image Courtesy of Slate

Inside jokes

A couple of weeks later, when we were decorating our tree, the Christmas song I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus came on, and Jack began to giggle. When I asked him what was so funny, he replied "I just got it!". All holiday season Jack has been having a blast pointing out Santa related "inside jokes" to the rest of us. 

Happy Holidays from our family to yours!

The Unbelievers

I know that one day my children aren't going to believe in a lot of things that they do now at age seven when virtually anything is possible.  On St. Patrick's Day Molly set out a 'Leprechaun Trap' in hope of getting wishes when she caught a Lil Irish fellow, cause apparently Leprechauns are like Genies, who knew?

I read that some time between age eight and nine most children (75 percent) no longer believe in Santa, The Tooth Fairy, or the Easter Bunny.  I am aware that we're running out of time, that we're skating on thin ice, and that soon enough Leprechaun traps will be replaced with eye rolls and tweenage attitude.

via Reader's Digest

I get that some parents never give the false promise of magical creatures to their children, and that's cool.  But if/when you tell your child that you are the big jolly guy or doesn't exist, do me and other parents a solid? Just tell them to STFU about it.

Twice in the past few months I've been aware of kids seeing it as their own sworn duty to ruin the magic of Easter, Christmas, and the tooth fairy for my kids and other kids who are significantly younger.  This is particularly uncool at holiday related events.  Okay, it's never cool.  Don't believe, but stop ruining it for others.

In the most recent incident, last week, Molly and Jack came home one evening telling me about this child revealing huge childhood spoilers to kids around them.  This was something that was sparked by the placement of egg and spring decorations going up around them.  So, I did what I always do, I asked my kids what they think.  Their answer, "Well, X does tend to lie a lot, and she doesn't even believe in ghosts so I'm just going to ignore her."  Interesting, but fair.

When the time does come to tell your kid the truth about magic, please also talk to them about how fun and amazing it is to keep the spirit of holidays alive for others and start some new traditions together to help inspire a sense of giving, community, and sharing.  Let them get the glitter pen out to decorate eggs, help you build a scavenger hunt, or give a Christmas surprise gift to a lonely neighbour, relative, or someone in need.  Cause no one likes a Debbie Downer, whether they're 36 or six.  Hoppy Easter!

Things My Kids Say As Shared on Twitter

We spend a lot of time with the minions and I'm fortunate enough to record the things that they say and do so I can look back on it and laugh.  Some of it makes the blog and other smaller moments don't.  One of the brilliant things about Twitter is how it's the ultimate parenting "elevator speech", because you have to keep it short. Below are recent Tweets, conversations, parental musings and things that the minions have done or said over the past month, for your reading pleasure that haven't made it to the blog.

Image Courtesy of Giphy

1. J: you see I can't put the same effort into my drawings at school as I do at home because they're too violent and I don't think the other kids at school could handle it. #parenting

2. Me: what's wrong with your ham J: it's too meat #foodie #parenting #MyKids

3. J: who would win in a fight between predator and Santa?  I mean Santa is supposed to be immortal but I don't think he'd be very good at fighting  #ThingsKidsSay #parenting

Image Courtesy of Reddit

4. M: I had a nightmare that a giant pizza box came to life and tried to eat me. Can I sleep here? Me: let me just move this giant pizza box out of the way. M: mommy you think you're funny but you're not #parenting

5. Talking to our kids about the war of 1812 M: So did that happen when you were a kid? C: That was over 200 years ago. M: So were you alive or not dad? #parenting #facepalm#ThingsKidsSay

6. Trying to explain #CypressHill lyrics to your kids in the car, cause the radio is on and it's #420 #420day #awkward

Image Courtesy of Giphy

7. Tonight's episode of my daughter crying is brought to you by lost tooth swallowed with pizza and apparently the ugly cry is inherited from mom #parenting

To read more blogs featuring the wacky things my kids say as featured on twitter, follow me @Sarabethbug & click here, click here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, & here.