Mom...I'm Sorry (Happy Mother's Day)

Each year I reflect on some of the more challenging and humorous moments with the kids.  A snapshot of my experiences as a mother.  I then think about all of the crap I put my mom through and form an apology letter. Some of these are specific to my life, but I am likely guilty of some pretty comparable crimes from when I (or my darling siblings were seven...

Dearest Mom,

I am sorry for...

• waking you up by projectile vomiting all over your bed at 2AM
• breaking my armoir door by stuffing so much of my random crap in it when I'm supposed to be cleaning my room 
• scratching your cornea with the corner of a comic book and leaving you unable to function for two and a half days
• watching the dog eat your laptop charger cord (and doing nothing about it) because I was busy watching TV
• faking sick from school so I don't have to go to an after school activity that you paid a lot of money for me to attend
• pretending I was a superhero, falling down the stairs because I was leaning on the baby gate, and knocking out my tooth, on Christmas
• confessing all of my urgent problems to you (hysterically) an hour and a half after bed time (when dad is out of town and you have a work deadline)
• telling people that I was the one who taught you all about 'the eff word' because I say it so much
• snacking on goldfish crackers in your bed because 'I felt like it'
• telling you about those things that kid did to upset you, two weeks after the fact, when I can do absolutely nothing about it
• borrowing your jewelry and immediately losing it/breaking it
• making you sit through school concerts that are longer than Avengers End Game (even when my performance is less than 10 minutes long) 
• reminding you that it's library/swim/permission form day once we already arrive at school
• waking you up whenever you nap because I need a snack that I am perfectly capable of getting myself

P.S. Still not sorry for the black lipstick I wore as a teenager!

P.P.S I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world!

To see the first ever apology note click here To see the 2017 apology note click hereTo see the 2016 apology note click hereTo see the 2015 apology note click hereTo see the 2014 apology note click hereTo see the 2013 apology note click here

My Apologetic Mother's Day

It's almost Mother's Day and in addition to preparing to spend a fantastic day with my family, I also love to use the day to reflect.  Each Mother's Day I think about all of the things my own mother used to face and I didn't appreciate because I was a kid myself.  At six years old the minions are feisty, spirited, and independent.  It's time for me to apologize to my mom based on all of the wacky things that motherhood has thrown my way this past year.  Some of these are pretty specific to my life, but I am likely guilty of some pretty comparable crimes from when I was six...

An Attempt at the sword and the stone

Dearest Mom,

I am sorry for...

• thinking 'cleaning my room' means shoving a pile of dirty socks and underwear into the bottom of my toy box
• interrupting a well deserved bath by barging into the room (even though we have another bathroom) and taking the stinkiest poop imaginable all while insisting 'mommy needs company'
• demanding you prepare me snacks while you run on a treadmill, 15 minutes after I've already eaten a snack
• getting toothpaste all over my clothes right before school
• having to be reminded to wash my hands after the bathroom, almost every single time
• leaving Lego all over the stairs
• leaving Lego on the floor
• dumping Lego everywhere,even immediately after cleaning it up
• threatening to 'take away your privacy'
• complaining about walking to school on a nice day
• deciding I hate former favourite foods, specifically after you've bought them in bulk
• losing so many spoons at school that you need to switch to plastic, despite the school's 'Litter-free lunch policy'
• screaming at the ground for 'tripping me'
• setting my alarm clock for random times even though I haven't quite grasped the complete concept of time-telling yet
• leaving empty yogurt containers everywhere
• when I get in trouble for leaving empty yogurt containers everywhere shoving them down the side of the couch instead (so you won't find them)
• losing my library books every single week
• thinking it's a good idea to sleep with Silly Puddy under my pillow
• begging for a play date with a friend, and then both pleading with me to let you watch TV
• demanding a snack while I see you plating my dinner
• audibly saying eww, yuck, or gross when you present me with food
• telling me you can't find something you're literally staring at
• losing 13 gloves, 3 hats, and 1 scarf this winter alone (none of this was Jack)
• insisting i'll join you in bed when dad's away for work, you know so you don't get lonely

P.S. Still not sorry for the black lipstick I wore as a teenager

P.P.S I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world!

To see the first ever apology note click hereTo see last year's apology note click hereTo see the 2016 apology note click hereTo see the 2015 apology note click hereTo see the 2014 apology note click hereTo see the 2013 apology note click here

So Sorry, Happy Mother's Day

I can't believe that it's that time of year again. In just a couple of weeks  it will be Mother's Day.  In annual tradition, today I look back on the year that has passed and apologize to my own mom for "crimes" that I most likely violated when I was five years old based on my own motherhood experiences this year.  Deep breath, here it goes....

A fav picture taken on Mother's Day Last Year

Dearest Mom,

I'm so incredibly sorry for...

• crying because I hit snooze button on my alarm clock

• interrupting any time you sit on the toilet by screaming "I HAVE TO GO POO NOW!"

• if i ever complained that you wore your pink polar fleece pullover too much.  I have a black one that I easily live in 4-6 months a year and it's the bomb!  Molly is unthrilled with this fashion choice.

• poking you in the eye when I climbed into bed with you following a nightmare

• blood curdling screams following a nightmare that kept you awake for hours

• peeing all over the bathroom wall, repeatedly (I hope I never did this...I imagine my son and brother also owe you an apology for this gem)

• not appreciating what a feat it is to have matching pairs of toddler socks

• leaving the cap off of every single marker I've ever used

• bringing home completely untouched lunches because "I'm totally over that food mom!"

• stealing food off your plate and being so completely adorable about it that you just take it

• splashing in the tub (at least that partially solves the peeing on the wall issue)

• loving messy craft supplies that involve glitter

• setting off toy bombs directly before company arrives

• never, ever flushing

• leaving a path of painful toys for you to step on

• wiping my chocolate ice cream hands on the wall "to get them clean"

• coming to cuddle you only to let out an epic fart (and now using the word fart because I know you hate it - I meant "wind" I swear)

• shoving my sibling to the ground because they beat me in a race

• insisting on being carried to the car at five years old

• inviting random kids I just met to sleepovers 

• using your jeans as my own personal towel and tissue

• sneezing in your face

• gifting you or dad broken glass that I painstakingly collected with my bare hands

• eating garbage food I found on the car floor (who am I kidding, your car floor has always been immaculate - that would never happen to you)

• refusing to wear a hat/ gloves or a warm jacket and then complaining to my teacher about how cold I am all day long

• saying "sawy" semi-sarcastically when you call me on my crap

• asking for more of something and then refusing to eat or drink it
  
• complaining about epic hunger five minutes post bed time
  
• at least a dozen other things I've forgotten

P.S. Still not sorry for the black lipstick I wore as a teenager

P.P.S I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world!

To see the first ever apology note click here
To see the 2016 apology note click here
To see the 2015 apology note click here
To see the 2014 apology note click here
To see the 2013 apology note click here

To get access to the newest posts from Multiple Momstrosity and more on Facebook click here and follow today

Follow Multiple Momstrosity on Twitter @Sarabethbug

So Sorry, Happy Mother's Day

I can't believe that it's that time of year again. In just a few days it will be Mother's Day.  In annual tradition, today I look back on the year that has passed and apologize to my own mom for "crimes" that I most likely violated when I was four years old based on my own motherhood experiences this year.  Deep breath, here it goes....

Molly & Jack at the park

Dearest Mom,

I'm so incredibly sorry for...

• Creating an imaginary friend that is responsible for all wrong-doing, tall tales, and anything I might get in trouble for
• Spraying 1/3 of a new bottle of your perfume into the toilet after I poop
• Throwing the most epic tantrums in front of parents you know, are trying to befriend, or make play date arrangements for me with
• Hiding my snow pants so I didn't have to wear them for two months until my teacher sent you a note asking why I don't own snow pants.   After said snow pants have been recovered, hiding them again until a janitor finds them and donates them to charity because, clearly, they don't belong to anyone
• Opening up all of my litterless lunch containers, but eating very little of my actual lunch so there is soggy, brown, banana mush on everything by the time I get home
• Painting the sink with toothpaste to "make it pretty" and then freaking out when you clean (aka destroy) my art
• Crying that my leg hurts whenever I get in trouble for being mean to my brother
• Trying to pee in the vents because I wanted to see what happened
• Yelling "YOU ARE EMBARRASSING ME!" at the top of my lungs after you've asked me to settle down and just walk to the car
• Refusing to try a new food, just because
• Nightmares about ridiculous things (like ducks with teeth) that wake up everyone in the house,  for multiple nights in a row
• Pouring all of your body wash into my bath to make it "sudsy"
• Timing all of my sicknesses for the few and far between times you have personal appointments, which you then had to reschedule three times in a row
• Refusing to go to the bathroom before we go out, and then immediately demanding to go/ peeing my pants
• Insisting on wearing, and then breaking or losing, your necklaces
• Announcing (loudly) that you have "drunk eyes" in front of other parents at pick-up
• Crying about random things, like when you explain that humans are animals because you don't want it to be true
• Honking your breasts in public and announcing, "I grabbed your boobs"
• Dozens of other unlisted "incidents"
  
  

P.S. Still not sorry for the black lipstick I wore as a teenager

P.P.S I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world!

To see the first ever apology note click here

To see the 2015 apology note click here

To see the 2014 apology note click here

To see the 2013 apology note click here


To get access to the newest posts from Multiple Momstrosity and more on Facebook click here and follow today!

Follow Multiple Momstrosity on Twitter @Sarabethbug

So Sorry - Happy Mother's Day!

It's that time of year again.  The birds are chirping, the sun is out and the minions need hats, coats, t-shirts and sunblock each morning at daycare because the weather can't quite decide what to do.  It's also just over a week until Mother's Day.  So in annual tradition, today I look back on the year that has passed and apologize to my own mom for "crimes" that I most likely violated when I was three years old based on my own motherhood experiences.  Here it goes....

Dearest Mom,

I am so incredibly sorry for....

• Being a drama queen and then crying because you suggested that I was being, well, dramatic.
• Handing you my banana peels, granola bar wrappers and dirty Kleenexes instead of throwing them into the garbage and acting like you were my own personal custodian.
• Throwing the above-mentioned garbage onto the floor (or down the sides of the couch cushions) instead of in the garbage "myself" as you suggested.
• So much car sickness.  A hose is not enough to get out the smell.
• Drawing on the walls with crayons or pens.
• Eating sand and dirt out of potted plants and getting worms. When confronted about eating sand this week Jack responded with, "It's okay mom, this time I pretended it was chicken."  It's only a matter of time.
• Using your antique wooden furniture as my own personal sticker book.
• Pooping on the floor beside the toilet.
• Making you act like referee only to sneak back to playing with the sibling I was fighting with moments later.
• Tattling over stupid stuff and "forgetting" to tell you stuff that mattered.
• Not keeping track of my toys/personal belonging and then throwing a tantrum when you couldn't produce them on demand.
• Stretching out any of your favourite shirts by yelling, "I'm going back inside your belly!" and literally climbing inside your shirt.
• Demanding that we watch the same show (Dora, Peppa the Pig) for the bazillionth time and then sweetly asking if you could sit with me and cuddle, because I know you will, even if you don't want to.
• Forcing you to spend more time in disgusting public washrooms than you ever thought possible (even though we left the house ten minutes ago).
• Any time I was a liar: told bold faced lies, was shocked and devastated when you busted me and then requested an apology for making me "feel sad".
• The mass destruction of your property, most recently ripping $30 worth of wrapping paper because you were "practising opening presents".
• This only being the tip of the ice berg....

P.S. Still not sorry for the black lipstick I wore as a teenager.

P.P.S. I wouldn't trade any of it for anything in the world!

To see last year's apology note click here.

To see the 2013 apology note click here.

To see an apology note from the infant years click here.

To view the Mother's Day card hall of shame click here.

To get access to the newest posts from Multiple Momstrosity and more on Facebook click here and follow today! 

Dear Mama (Happy Mother's Day....I'm so sorry)

Mother's Day is just over a week away as evident by looking at any greeting card or jewelry store suggesting that you show mom just how much you care by purchasing her fake diamonds in the shape of a heart that she'll never wear at least so long as your mother isn't an 11 year old tween.  What this means for me is that after yet another 12 months of parenthood, I have realized a lot more to apologize to my own mother for. Not only do I have my own toddler antics to repent for, I also have the strife caused by my progeny to add to this list.   That's right, two generations of bad behaviour to apologize to my mom for! Sigh, here it goes.

Dearest Mom,

I'm so sorry....

• Any time I drew on anything that was not paper and essentially ruined your nice things.  I recently caught Jack using bathtub crayons to "decorate" our antique Duncan Phyfe drop leaf table and wanted to cry.
• That on those rare occasions when you'd fall asleep on the couch for a cat nap, I ALWAYS woke you up and I don't even fully comprehend why I was so compelled to do this.
• The way I criticised how your ponytail skills never made my hair flat enough, that you brushed too hard or took too long, despite the fact that I was moving my head around like I was a head-banger at a Pantera concert the entire time you attempted to do my hair.
• Any time I insulted your cooking.  There has to be some sort of graph that shows the coorelation between increased time spent preparing a meal, also increases the likelihood that the minions are to say, "I don't like it" and push their plate away as if I'd just served them a plate of dog food.
• Public Tantrums - Particularly in front of neighbours, other parents at daycare or anyone we have to have contact with on a regular basis.
• For spitting in the face of danger by running into the street, across a busy parking lot or doing anything that made your heart skip a beat because you were sure that I was repeatedly trying to die.
• For saying mean things when I didn't know any better.  When Molly says things like "I don't love you any more" and then giggles, I know she doesn't mean it, but that doesn't make it suck any less.
• That the first time Molly and Jack gave you kisses and told you they loved you, they immediately passed on a terrible cold.
• For every time that I ruined your night sleep by crawling into bed with you and dad and then took up more room than the pair of you combined.
• For whining, so much whining!
• That I know I'm probably forgetting at least 20 things that I should be sorry for.

P.S. Still not sorry about the black lipstick as a teenager.

To see The Mother's Day Card Hall of Shame click here

To read my apology from last year click here

To read my first ever Mother's day apology click here

Want Multiple Momstrosity updates on Facebook click here

Mamma Mia

Mother's Day is just over a week away.  This means that after yet another 12 months of parenthood I know that I have a lot more to apologize for.  Not only do I have my own infant/toddler antics to repent for, I have strife caused by my progeny to add to this list. 

The Third Member of our "Wolf Pack", she likes to play by her own rules

Dear Mom,

I'm SO SORRY:

• For all of the things I made you miss when I was sick, including that trip to Hawaii when I had the measles.
• For throwing up on you, repeatedly.  I had weeks this year where the vomit on mom count broke double digits.
• About anything that you ever had to throw out because I threw up on it and made it smell terrible permanently.
• That Jack smashed the candle holder chachkie (that our family called a pookie) you've had in your living room since I was his age.
• That after searching on line for a replacement "pookie" I made a point of letting you know what I found on line when I tried to buy a pookie*.
• For any jewelry I forcibly tore off of you're body and in turn destroyed.
• I pretended to be upset when you left me with a babysitter to get a reaction/guilt you and then immediately calmed down the moment you were out of sight.
• For scratching, hitting, biting, and clawing you.
• About any time I waited until I had a fresh diaper to take a dump.
• If I had any fascination with grabbing at my feces while you attempted to change my diaper.**
• For getting angry any time you didn't take my tantrums seriously.***
• Sleepless nights
• Getting you sick when I got sick.
• My kids get you sick when you help me out, so I can keep a job and a life.
• For crying, ranting and raving on the phone and in person about how insane my children are, even though I know that they're just like me.

P.S. I'm still not sorry for wearing black lipstick as a teenager.

To see last year's apology blog click here

*Urban definitions of a pookie: 1) Soaking tampons in alcohol and inserting them, either vaginally or rectally, in order to get drunk, 2) or a pipe used to smoke methamphetamine
**Bonus, additional apologies if you were just about to go out anywhere when I did this.
***Because come on, toddler tantrums are ridiculous and hilarious.